Psychotherapist Dr. Rasha Wahid

[00:00:00] Speaker A: Foreign. [00:00:17] Speaker B: Are you in a relationship or friendship with someone who displays narcissistic tendencies and or behaviors? What really is narcissism? When you break it down, how can you spot narcissistic behavior? And can narcissists actually change? Dr. Rasha is with me here. Dr. Rasha Waheed, who is a psychologist and she is going to be taking a deep dive with us into narcissism and more. She'll break it down for us in Awareness and episode number 15. And before we do, a quick word from our sponsor, Vox Mental Health. Vox means voice, and we believe something shifts when you're safe enough to find yours. Based in Barry and serving all of Ontario, Vox Mental Health offers trauma informed psychotherapy for individuals, couples and families. Whether you're unpacking old narratives, navigating relationships, or, or working toward clarity and change, we're here to support your growth, your agency and your voice. Learn more @vox mental health.com so thank you so much to Vox Mental Health. My name is Rob Daniels welcoming you to this next episode of Awareness fostering a more compassionate, empathetic and accepting society. Without any further ado, Dr. Rasha Wahid. It's a pleasure to have you in studio here today. Thanks, Rob, for having me and just thanks so much for being here and very much looking forward to your expertise and hopefully helping as many people as we can with all that you have to provide here today. Of course, we've been discussing what needs, how you feel, what needs the most help in this world right now. A few of these topics, that is, we were going to try and break down a few of them here today and narcissism, of course, being one of them. So let's get into that first. And, and you may, you know, whether you're watching wherever you get your podcast, which I thank you by the way, don't forget to like and subscribe on YouTube or wherever you may be listening to this podcast. That would be super appreciated. You, you yourself at home or whether you're in the car now, wherever you happen to be, you may have experienced narcissism before narcissistic behavior. You may have been the victim of it, you may have been the one perpetrating it, but we will find out what that's all about and hopefully provide you some awareness so that you can eliminate it as much as possible from your life. Because it's not a good thing from my understanding. So when we talk about it, for anybody that might be confused at home, narcissism, there, there, there is a lot of confusion, I would say, on the Internet as to what it specifically is all about. So you're the expert. Why don't you provide your definition and the most factual one that you can provide in regards to what narcissism is all about? [00:03:15] Speaker C: Okay, that's. That's a good question to start with. And as you know, Rob, there is a lot of confusion about what narcissism is really about out there because of the lots of information on the Internet that people are getting from different sources. [00:03:33] Speaker A: Right. [00:03:36] Speaker C: It's not very clear to say what narcissism is because it exists on a spectrum. So on one end, we have the healthy narcissism. Healthy narcissism is more about, you know, people that you see. They are confident, they are having self assurance, they are ambitious. All these are healthy narcissism traits that can help you to keep functioning in your life. Life. And it's actually needed, it's necessary. But on the other end, we're having the pathological narcissism. It's when the. There's a pattern of behaviors that cause severe damage and hurt to other people in your relationship. [00:04:22] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:04:22] Speaker C: So if we, if we imagine narcissism on a spectrum from 0 to 10, all of us would have some narcissistic traits as we are egocentric human beings. But as it goes to like, say 40, 50, 70%, that's when you're harming others in the relationship. That's narcissism. And from a therapeutic perspective, if you really want to know what is narcissism, at its core, narcissism is a defense mechanism. It's a personality style to protect yourself from the early childhood or emotional injury that that person had. [00:05:02] Speaker A: Right. [00:05:04] Speaker C: And for them to keep going in life, they learned some coping strategies that worked very well for them. One of them is completely shutting down their emotions. And that's why we say, like, narcissism would have lack of empathy. They can't deal with emotions, especially painful emotions that they experienced during their childhood. The other thing, they have an urge, severe urge to control others. And this control is to make sure that they are safe in the environment that they are living in. And definitely that will be reflected in their relationships. But they also come from environments where love was very conditional. They didn't get unconditional love from their primary caregivers. Emotions were mostly dismissed. If you are upset, angry, it just being dismissed. And most importantly, vulnerability is unsafe. So if the child would come to their parents with any vulnerable emotion, feeling shamed, feeling angry, feeling that they need to express any emotions. They are either mocked by their parents or punished for expressing an emotion or dismissed. [00:06:20] Speaker A: Wow. [00:06:20] Speaker C: So they learned through very early on in their lives that you cannot go and you cannot go in life with your emotions. It's very dangerous. [00:06:30] Speaker A: Right. [00:06:30] Speaker C: The safest way is to shut that down and be that person that present themselves as very confident, as very successful, but at the same time, emotions is the area or are the things that I don't want to get near to it. [00:06:48] Speaker A: Right. [00:06:49] Speaker C: So they operate from a very superficial level. [00:06:52] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:06:53] Speaker B: And this, how you addressed it, Right there essentially is. Is like the root cause, the. Where does it begin? At the root of the. Of the tree. And that explains a lot. If anyone's, you know, really appreciate your listening and just to. To take that in is. It could explain a lot to people and answer a lot of questions for what they're dealing with currently. So that being said, that's the pathological kind, right. That's what is what you're expressing and what you. Can you give me an example perhaps of what someone might say in. In any kind of given situation, maybe one. I don't want to hate to put you on the spot, but something that may come to your mind or one that's always been in your mind is like, that shouldn't have been said. There are that. Right. There is a pathological person that's dealing with narcissism. I know what they just did. Right there. Is there something that. An example that you could give for anybody that might be still confused or. Or just want to know more? [00:07:50] Speaker C: Yeah, for sure. So when you think about narcissism, it's a set of behaviors. It's not only one behavior. And you cannot spot someone and say like, oh, this is an example of a narcissistic behavior, unless you see a pattern that's happening with that person. One thing is they dismiss emotions. [00:08:09] Speaker A: Right. [00:08:09] Speaker C: So if you go to them saying that you're hurt or you want to set a boundary in a relationship, they'll get so angry and defensive because again, you're opening up to them a very vulnerable area that they don't deal with. Yeah, emotions. [00:08:25] Speaker A: Emotions. Yeah. [00:08:26] Speaker C: The other thing is they are. They mastered the, what I call the game of blaming. So they cannot blame themselves. They cannot see themselves as the person that made that mistake. They always blame other people. So they do a lot of projection. And if you're not strong enough in the relationship, what you're going to do is you're going to be convinced with what they're saying, and start doubting your own self. [00:08:53] Speaker A: Okay. [00:08:53] Speaker C: And they feed on that. Yeah, that's, that's, that's for people with narcissistic trait is what we call the supply. Because they can, they can feed their own fragile self esteem by getting some reactions or emotional reactions from you. [00:09:09] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:09:10] Speaker C: So gaslighting, love bombing. All these expressions that we use in explaining what narcissism is about are just examples of how narcissistic trait would look like. [00:09:23] Speaker B: What about sarcasm? How does sarcasm play a role in narcissistic behavior or does it not? [00:09:29] Speaker C: It does. [00:09:29] Speaker B: It does. [00:09:30] Speaker C: Yes. [00:09:30] Speaker A: Okay. [00:09:31] Speaker C: Because when they are sarcastic, number one, they are deep denying or suppressing one of their emotions. [00:09:38] Speaker A: Okay. [00:09:38] Speaker C: So they can be angry, but they start being sarcastic, for example, and that's because they can't deal with the emotion that they're feeling right now, but they're going to attack you in a different way. That puts you down. [00:09:51] Speaker A: Right. [00:09:52] Speaker C: And that, that way of putting you down. And if they succeeded, then they won. They want the game and they are very happy because that's a control again over you, over your emotions. I made you feel that way. I knew you will feel that way. [00:10:09] Speaker B: So is there at any point in time like narcissists are not aware of what they're doing or they fully know, like they're trying to play a game or it's. They're just so rapidly going through life that this has always been them. Are they aware that. Are narcissists aware? They're narcissists, yeah. [00:10:28] Speaker C: Asking a very important yet complex question. [00:10:33] Speaker A: Okay. [00:10:34] Speaker C: And that's because on the surface level, they're not aware of their own wounds, but they are aware of the games that they are using. [00:10:43] Speaker B: So you're saying they're not aware of their own wounds. [00:10:46] Speaker C: Their wounds, that emotional wound that they experienced early on in their lives where they have completely lack of self esteem and lack of self worth because, because of the environment that they grew in. But they're aware of the tactics or the games that they're using against the other person to make sure that they can control their emotions. So that's different. [00:11:12] Speaker A: Right. Wow. [00:11:13] Speaker B: And your thoughts on those that are narcissists, can they actually change their behavior? Can they not be a narcissist anymore? [00:11:27] Speaker C: Okay. Can I say that this is also. [00:11:30] Speaker B: A very complex question and these are grueling questions. And listen, whatever you feel comfortable answering or what you can answer to your own knowledge, it's welcome. If you feel unsure, you're allowed to say, I'm unsure. Because, you know, professionals sometimes are not like, can't answer everything. And maybe you don't have the answer, maybe you do, but it's, I am giving you the floor either way. [00:11:53] Speaker C: I'll give you short answer. [00:11:55] Speaker A: Okay? [00:11:56] Speaker C: It's rare to change. It's rare, but not impossible. And here comes many factors. Number one factor is the motivation. Number two is the willingness, so motivation to change because they understand that they are hurting others and they're deeply suffering in relationships and willingness to, the willingness to change and to do something different in their lives. Here comes the challenge. When you go to therapy, therapy is about vulnerability. It's about opening up and having these deep and painful conversations with your therapist and having these deep reflections and showing empathy towards yourself and towards other. But unfortunately, all what I just mentioned, that's what they exactly struggle with. They struggle with empathy, they struggle with deep reflections, they struggle with getting connected with their own emotions. So therapy usually is not the best way for them or from their perspective. I will give you an example. On, in, in my practice, I would say I have a ratio of 80% people with narcissistic traits and sorry, 80% people with narcissistic or in narcissistic relationships, versus 20% people with narcissistic traits who come to the practice and say, hey, I want to heal myself, or I want to deal with what I'm struggling with. Most of this 20% are people coming because they're facing consequences in their relationships. Like, for example, their spouse is leaving the relationship or something dramatic happened and they would come and tell you, okay, I, I, I, I need to change myself. I need to work on it. But this is not sustainable. If they don't have that deep awareness that they are really doing favor to theirselves, to themselves, before doing it to others, then they usually quit therapy very quickly and very rapidly, like two, three sessions. And they cannot tolerate it. [00:14:10] Speaker A: Right. [00:14:11] Speaker C: And that's why, and that's exactly what shifted my focus of my career at the beginning, from working with personality disorders, working with bipolar disorder and other complex conditions such as schizophrenia, where I started as a mental health nurse, to going into people who started suffering or people who are suffering in these relationships. Because as a therapist, you can see how much it's rewarding to see that transformation from people who suffered in the relationship. They want to do something different, they want to change their lives versus people with narcissistic traits who just want to be there for a specific reason, but not really sustain therapy or maintain therapy. [00:14:56] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:14:57] Speaker B: Wow. So can you say that one more time. 80% would come to you. What was that ratio? One more time. Just to give that. One more time. Sure. [00:15:07] Speaker C: 80% are people who have been in narcissistic relationships, who have been in an abusive relationship or with a narcissist. 20% in my practice is open for people with narcissistic traits. So they will come and say, hey, I have these narcissistic traits. Can you help me? I work with both. And actually, I was very privileged to work with both. [00:15:30] Speaker B: You're saying 20% are the victims, sort of, that are coming to you, that are. That are the victims of narcissism, and the 80% are the narcissists that are coming to you. [00:15:39] Speaker C: 80% are the victims or survivors. [00:15:42] Speaker B: Okay. Survivors of it. And the 20% are the ones that are willing to work on themselves. [00:15:45] Speaker A: Themselves. [00:15:46] Speaker C: These are the ones. [00:15:47] Speaker B: Get better at my listening skills. I'm just trying to adjust and get a lot of information coming at once. And it's very interesting with that. Like. Yeah, okay. So that's. That's a lot. And wow. So good on you for. For dealing with that. You answered a lot when it comes to. To narcissism. And hopefully that. That can help anyone out there that. That may be struggling with it or a victim of it or someone that's dealing with it. Maybe that one that says that wants to come to terms with, hey, like, they. They got a. Do something about it. So good on you for doing that. And I hope they take that awareness before an issue comes to place, like you suggested. [00:16:23] Speaker A: Right. [00:16:23] Speaker B: And what we wanted to touch on also next was, was people pleasing. And this could intertwine with narcissism in terms of people pleasing. And where does that come from exactly? People pleasing. [00:16:39] Speaker C: People pleasing is the other side of the coin. [00:16:44] Speaker B: Okay. [00:16:45] Speaker C: As I. I've seen it in my practice, and I learned it. That's why I work hand in hand. Narcissism and people pleasing. Most of people with narcissistic opinion, narcissistic relationships, they come first to my practice saying that they want to recover from the relationship. But as you dig deeply, and that's the trauma work that I do, when you dig deeply, you understand that's not only about the person that you've been with in the relationship. In fact, it's about who you were in the relationship, how you presented yourself in the relationship. [00:17:20] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:17:20] Speaker C: So let me give you an example about a relationship between a narcissist and people pleaser. How these really deeply intertwined narcissists are incredibly charming. [00:17:34] Speaker A: Okay. [00:17:35] Speaker C: So when they start a relationship, they know your vulnerability. They know that you're looking for someone to make you feel heard and seen. That's, that's, that's been told to me very clearly by many people with narcissistic traits. They know if you, if they, if someone come into an invitation and a party and there is eight people sitting there, they can easily spot people with insecurity. So they know it's a social skills that they sharpened during their childhood and adulthood. So at the beginning of the relationship, they shower you with compliments, with love, with care. They make you feel like you've been truly seen in the relationship. [00:18:22] Speaker A: Right. [00:18:23] Speaker C: But over time, that pattern starts to change. [00:18:27] Speaker A: Okay. [00:18:28] Speaker C: And as I usually explain it to my clients, they, they use charm as a tool in the beginning of the relationship to win you over. But then they use the coldness and silent treatment and withdrawing all that love and care to control you in the relationship. So that's a dynamic where the people pleasers find it very interesting in the honeymoon stage of this relationship that happy with the care and love and. But then all this will be gradually withdrawn according to when and how the narcissist wants that to be withdrawn from you and leaving the person feeling so confused in the relationship, hoping that they would go back to the stage, the first stage, the very, very first stage of the honeymoon, of the relationship. All their hope in the relationship is to just go back to that stage. Let's talk about people pleasers. [00:19:29] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:19:29] Speaker C: People pleasers are also wounded children. They are wounded in terms of they lived in an environment and grew up in an environment where again, love was very conditional. It wasn't unconditional love. Remember we mentioned the same about narcissist, but here the child was very praised and always, constantly being praised for being so white, so, so easy to go with easy going. [00:20:03] Speaker A: Okay. [00:20:04] Speaker C: And at the same time, they are no troublemakers. They're just obeying rules and obeying what the parents wants to want them to do. So the child grow in this environment, understanding only one principle, which is I'm loved and I'm safe only if I don't exist because I don't have needs. I cannot express my needs. I will be punished or I will be not loved or not liked by my parents anymore. So in a way, you're giving the child that message of you're only loved if you're not existing. They grew up learning that I need to suppress all my needs, put everyone's. [00:20:47] Speaker B: Needs ahead of mine, and then they'll. [00:20:50] Speaker C: Be Loved, and I will be loved, liked, and accepted in life. This can happen in a relationship. It can happen at work where people are very agreeable. They are just there to, you know, make sure that they're taking more. They cannot say no to anyone. They're always nodding for like, oh, yeah, every. Everyone is right. [00:21:09] Speaker B: Because that could also be a very tricky boundary to create or a fine line to figure out for an employee. Even, like, let's say your, your boss is coming to you with T. And you, you're a people pleaser. Cause you want to keep your job. But how do you know what your boundary is? To say no, that this is too much on your plate? Because then that's. Well, is that grounds for dismissal? Is that grounds for. Well, that's a check mark for, you know, maybe he's got a couple warnings and then you're, you're out the door. It's very difficult to, to get that at work too. You know, it could be at work at relationships. And I don't know, what do you recommend to someone at work that deals with that too? [00:21:47] Speaker C: I would say, yeah, if you're doing something and you're good at it and you have passion for it and you keep just putting more on your plate, but deeply inside you are satisfied with what you're doing. I mean, that's, that's up to you. [00:22:02] Speaker B: Right. [00:22:02] Speaker A: Okay. [00:22:03] Speaker C: But if you are starting to accumulate resentments, so in front of the person, you're smiling and you're telling them that this is okay, yeah, I can do it. Don't worry, you can give me more. But deeply inside, these resentments are kind of accumulating. Then you are going to have anxiety, depression, burnout. So the best thing is to start understanding what are your limits and understanding also, what's your job description? I mean, like, there's no job that will give you, I mean, heavy, heavy load that you cannot really survive in the job. [00:22:40] Speaker A: Right. [00:22:41] Speaker C: You should be flourishing. [00:22:43] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:22:43] Speaker C: And developing your skills in the job. So if you feel like, oh, this boundary, I can't really create that boundary. There's something that you need to do here. It's either to start understanding yourself and understanding where is the limit to set these boundaries, or start seeking help and seeking therapy to have these discussions with your therapist in a safe environment where they can teach you slowly and discuss with you where is your boundary? How you can set your boundary easily and without feeling very discomfort about it. [00:23:17] Speaker B: That's. Yeah, good to know. And that's a good segue for boundaries. And speaking about healthy Boundaries. You being a psychotherapist, what do you, and this is a complex question, but in, in your opinion, what are healthy boundaries? [00:23:36] Speaker C: Well, healthy boundaries are these invisible lines that identify for you what's okay and what's not okay. [00:23:47] Speaker A: Right. [00:23:48] Speaker C: What's okay emotionally, physically and mentally, and what's not okay. Okay. So they're, they're just there as a guidelines. [00:23:56] Speaker A: Right. [00:23:58] Speaker C: But what we struggle with is if we don't who, who we really are as people, if we don't understand ourselves, if we don't dig in deeply in ourselves, how do we know what it's okay or what's not okay? [00:24:13] Speaker A: Exactly. [00:24:13] Speaker C: You cannot set the boundaries if you don't know yourself. So the journey of digging in and understanding who you are, and that's what I do in my practice, I develop two programs. One is for recovery from the narcissistic relationships, but another one is recovery from the people pleasing traits. [00:24:32] Speaker A: Right. [00:24:32] Speaker C: And that's when you start reconnecting with your true, authentic self. [00:24:37] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:24:38] Speaker C: And I always say it, once you see, you cannot unsee. When you see your true self, when you have that taste of being authentic, you cannot go back being not authentic. [00:24:50] Speaker A: Not authentic. Yeah, it's. [00:24:53] Speaker C: I'm not saying it's easy work, but I'm seeing it's very possible. [00:24:56] Speaker B: It takes, it takes a lot of work. Yeah. You have to dig deep, definitely sometimes. And yeah, you have to, you have to be okay with, with digging deep. Why? And I, I'm, I'm guilty of this as well too. Why do people struggle setting the boundaries, Is that also more along the lines of getting to know yourself on a deeper level? But I think it, there's also might be something along this, along that fine line of people pleasing, like because you want to set a boundary, but then you're afraid of not being nice or am I nice? And are they going to think I'm mean for saying no? And you have all this anxiety from people pleasing. I think. And to find that healthy boundary is probably different because there's always a different scenario that comes up and you have to figure out that boundary. It's difficult. What do you suggest in that type of scenario? [00:25:56] Speaker C: I would say we struggle because not only, as you said, we don't know ourselves, we, most of us, we grew in environments where being selfless. [00:26:06] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:26:07] Speaker C: Is a rewarding thing. Whether this is because of your community, your family values or religious or religion or whatever. [00:26:14] Speaker A: Right. [00:26:15] Speaker C: Everything was telling you that not thinking about yourself and only thinking outside is very rewarding. You being kind and nice. This way. [00:26:24] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:26:25] Speaker C: But no one told us to get in touch with our own selves first. [00:26:31] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:26:32] Speaker C: And having to develop this relationship with yourself. Strong relationship where you understand your boundaries, you understand what you like and what you don't like. [00:26:40] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:26:41] Speaker C: And being comfortable with setting the boundaries. Because if you think about a drop, boundaries are not walls, they are bridges. They, they bring the right people in your life. So let's say I'll go with the scenario that people will be rejecting me if I set boundaries. [00:27:00] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:27:00] Speaker C: If they don't respect me, they don't respect, they won't respect my boundaries. [00:27:05] Speaker A: Right. [00:27:05] Speaker C: Why should I keep them in my life? [00:27:08] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:27:09] Speaker C: Only the healthy people, the right people would respect my boundaries and they would be okay. Even, even more happy for me that I started to set the boundaries. [00:27:21] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:27:21] Speaker C: In a healthy relationship. And that's, that's something that I just want to mention. In a healthy relationship, if someone come with no boundaries, it's very confusing for the other person. [00:27:33] Speaker B: Right. [00:27:33] Speaker C: That person with a healthy relationship with healthy boundaries and, and, and wants to be in a healthy relationship, they will be confused. Where do you start and where do you end? I don't know. [00:27:43] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:27:44] Speaker C: You're not setting anything. You're okay with everything. [00:27:47] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:27:47] Speaker C: So it's confusing for some people. [00:27:49] Speaker B: Sure. [00:27:50] Speaker C: When we have the set the right boundaries for ourselves, it's easy for the healthy people to start approaching us and having that dynamic of healthy dynamic of I know your boundaries, I respect them. I know also your boundary, Rob. And I respect them. But if you think about the narcissistic relationship where there is people pleaser and narcissism, in fact there's one who's leading and one is following. One is seeking the approval of the narcissist and just want to do everything. Want to give everything. [00:28:23] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:28:23] Speaker C: And the other one want just to take. And they're very demanding in the relationship. They only want your attention, your love, your care and, and, and boosting their self esteem. And if you're not giving them that, they start to be very angry. They start to be very emotionally abusive and emotionally dismissive. So actually setting the healthy boundaries, you're protecting yourself from unhealthy and toxic relationships and start living your authentic self because you don't feel that you, you don't hold into the resentment because you're doing something that you don't like. Actually you, you will feel more free, more like. [00:29:05] Speaker B: You know what I find more it's, it's easier to develop the boundary is the physical boundaries over the emotional and boundaries within your mind, like in the sense of like if someone's going to go rock climbing but you know, you have that fear and you're like, no, it's okay. You guys as a group can go, I'll, you know, join you for the next recreational activity. That's not rock climbing. Like, you know, if you have that fear, but if it's something that's more to do with the mind and not physically challenging or going across a bridge or doing like the CN Tower. What's that? The staircloud. Not the stairclan. When you're leaning off the edge of the sea and Tower Edge walk, there are tons of people that want to do that. And then there's tons of people that are like, heck no, there's no chance I'm, I'm doing that. And I feel like those boundaries are easier to develop than one say in a relationship, whether it be professional or personal. [00:29:56] Speaker A: Right. [00:29:57] Speaker C: They are easy to set because you know what you want. [00:30:02] Speaker B: You know what you want. Yeah, they are. And you're just. And we might be afraid of, of saying that because we're afraid to be that, you know, get away that people pleaser line and be. We were afraid to be mean. We think we're going to be mean by setting a mental boundary. [00:30:16] Speaker A: Right. [00:30:17] Speaker B: And we, and I know I'm a people. Listen, I have some of those traits for sure. And it's hard for me to all of us. Yeah, I know. And so, hey, listen, this is good. Have been a good therapy session, I tell you. Dr. Rasha, let's. Before we go, I want to talk quick about healing and growth. What helps someone break the cycle? You think of toxic patterns. [00:30:41] Speaker C: Again, very good question. And I would say number one is the awareness. [00:30:45] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:30:46] Speaker C: Rob, you cannot change what you can't name. You need to understand. Let's say we're talking about people pleasers. [00:30:52] Speaker A: Right. [00:30:53] Speaker C: And people in narcissistic relationships. If you don't have that awareness, you will keep going in the relationship or going in life with the people pleasing trades thinking that this is normal. [00:31:05] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:31:06] Speaker C: Unless you have that knowledge and I, I say that knowledge is power here, then you start digging in and understanding, no, something is wrong. I need to do something about it. When you have this awareness, most people, whether they seek therapy or they have self help kind of, you know, practice, which I agree with as well. I mean if you're capable to do the self help using books, using, you know, audiobooks or, you know, that's amazing. But understand the roots of where your vulnerabilities and insecurities are coming from. Usually we need to connect these dots between who we are right now and what we have developed in our childhood. [00:31:49] Speaker A: Right. [00:31:49] Speaker C: In our childhood. Our parents or our primary caregivers, our school, our ch. Our sorry schoolmates. They. They were part of creating a self image for us. [00:32:04] Speaker A: Right. [00:32:05] Speaker C: That we carry all over in our adulthood. This self image usually distort itself and image, it's. It's about what other people thought about me when I was young. [00:32:16] Speaker A: Right. [00:32:17] Speaker C: You need to flip that. [00:32:18] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:32:18] Speaker C: You need to reconstruct and that's the work that we do in therapy. Reprogramming your subconscious mind. [00:32:24] Speaker A: Right. [00:32:24] Speaker C: To create a new image, a new self mental image about you that can just automatically be the one that you're carrying. [00:32:33] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:32:34] Speaker C: And starting to be who you are, not what you do. [00:32:38] Speaker A: Right. [00:32:38] Speaker B: Because then you. Yeah. You would just be you and the right people would come along and, and, and the ones that don't then that. That's just how it is. [00:32:46] Speaker A: Right. [00:32:48] Speaker B: Yeah, that's how. That's a great way of looking at it. So you're mentioning therapy supporting your journey, healing and growth. How can it specifically support the, the journey to. When it comes to healing and growth using therapy. [00:33:02] Speaker C: Therapy is a way. It's your own thing, vehicle to be safe in this environment where you can discuss these vulnerabilities and you have someone with you whom you trust. They're taking care of your mental and emotional well being to connect for you these dots. And these dots are the dots from the early childhood to where you are now and start seeing what you don't like about this. How can we change it? [00:33:30] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:33:31] Speaker C: One of the most successful technique that I usually say in therapy is when you challenge your clients thoughts and emotions and start rebuilding or restructuring these thoughts and these beliefs about themselves and they start saying oh, I never thought about it this way. Yeah, that's transformational. [00:33:50] Speaker A: Yeah, that's. [00:33:51] Speaker C: And that's the beauty of the work that we do every single day. [00:33:54] Speaker B: Which is incredible work for sure. Dr. Rasha, I'm yeah. Very intrigued by all you had to say today. Of course, what people that want to have let's say therapy with you because you're a great therapist, you can you know, certainly recommend a lot and help in, in more ways than one. Obviously like you've done today. What's, what's the best way that they can connect with you? Dr. Rasha? [00:34:18] Speaker C: Well, I have my profile up on Psychology Today. [00:34:22] Speaker B: Yeah. Oh, that's great. Psychology today.com. [00:34:25] Speaker C: Psychology today.com where you would be connected with my assistant to help you booking a session. As I told you, Rob, I offer two programs for recovery. One for narcissistic abuse and one for the people pleasing. [00:34:42] Speaker A: For people pleasing. [00:34:43] Speaker B: Yeah. Okay. [00:34:44] Speaker C: That's. That's my area of interest and work that I really feel so confident and so happy working in these areas. [00:34:53] Speaker A: Yeah. Fantastic. [00:34:55] Speaker B: You do a lot of great work. And I'll leave you with what's one last thing you want listeners to remember when it comes to your work? [00:35:02] Speaker C: I want them to remember that you're not broken. [00:35:05] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:35:06] Speaker C: Even if you have stayed in the relationship for so long or. Or have been a people pleaser for so long, there's a way out of these kind of trades and relationships. And if your goal is to be back to your, get in touch with your true self, your authentic self. [00:35:25] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:35:25] Speaker C: That's the time. There is no. It's never too late to start doing this work. [00:35:30] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:35:30] Speaker B: Fantastic. Thanks for doing this today, Dr. Rasha. It means a lot. Really. Really. And hope you learned something at home or wherever you listen to this podcast. Don't forget to subscribe. Really would appreciate that on YouTube. And thanks for listening. Once again, this has been awareness episode number 15 with Dr. Rasha Waheed. And thanks so much to producer Mike. I am Rob Daniels. Look forward to seeing you in the next episode. [00:36:00] Speaker A: Sa.