Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: Foreign.
Yes. Welcome to Awareness, the podcast. How's it going? It's been quite some time. Yours truly, Rob Daniels. Rob Daniels here. And we are on episode number eight. So it's been a few weeks now since you've last received an episode. And, hey, all for good stuff, though. Producer Mike had a vacation. He was away and went to a wedding in the family out in the uk and yours truly, vacationing in Jamaica for a. For an anniversary trip. So we're here, though it's the first week of May, the first full week of May, that is. And it's a. It's a very important month. It is. Is mental health awareness month. So I, you know, I can't wait to try and bring you some phenomenal episodes this month. All, of course, to raise more awareness when it comes to mental health. And of course, this show being called Awareness, I can't think of a better time to be listening and watching to watching these episodes. So here we are back at the show, and it is Awareness, fostering a more compassionate, empathetic and accepting society.
And I'm so stoked to be introducing you to my newest guest here for episode number eight. We've been chatting over the last few weeks on how we could bring you the most purposeful podcast episode possible. And she's got a lot to bring to the table today, and her name is Amanda Patrick. Welcome to Awareness, Amanda.
[00:01:50] Speaker B: Thank you for having me.
[00:01:52] Speaker A: Yes. So good to see her here. And she is a passionate philanthropist, by the way, which is a great thing in life. Accomplished entrepreneur and a powerful public speaker. And after speaking with you on the phone, I have to say I noticed that public speaker, the powerfulness in your voice that you have must have been on several stages before in your life.
[00:02:14] Speaker B: I have, and I think it helps when you're passionate about what you're talking about.
[00:02:18] Speaker A: For sure.
[00:02:18] Speaker B: It gives you that confidence to go up there.
[00:02:21] Speaker A: Yeah. So when you're up on those stages, are you.
Is it specific, like keynote addresses or.
[00:02:27] Speaker B: I like to do keynotes. I like to do panels through my Christmas campaign. I just do a lot of talks in general to different groups. So I'm fine with sort of any stage as long as it gives me a platform to try and help people and serve my purpose.
[00:02:41] Speaker A: Yeah. Do you ever get nervous, like, when you go up there, like, even now, like when I introduce you? Sometimes, you know, as long as I've been doing this for like 20 years now, but I still. There's still some nerves. There's some jitters there. Do you. Do you get that every time you.
[00:02:53] Speaker B: Go up on stage, I think if you don't get the jitters, you're not meant to be there. I definitely still do, but I think there's that confidence in, in knowing what you want to talk about and it just being authentic that I feel like I, no matter what, can have some value to add. And you're a great host. So I know that you're going to walk me through it.
[00:03:11] Speaker A: Thank you so much. I appreciate that. And I'll tell you this, If. If there's something. If there's one day where it's like, you know, a little bit added pressure for you, you're like, I don't know if I can make it through today. There was a manager that once recommended this to, to me, and I'm like, I gotta. I gotta try that. And I think it worked once for me and then I, I stopped. But it could be for different, for everyone. Is having a banana, let's say, like 40 minutes before you go and do a presentation. Yeah. It apparently calms the nerves, from my understanding. And if you have a banana, you should be good to go. I mean, you should be good to go anyway, but I think that just helps settle them if you're having one of those days.
[00:03:48] Speaker B: You know what I mean? Okay. Well, I'm pretty calm usually, so this might make me lethargic.
We'll have to try it out.
[00:03:55] Speaker A: Try it out if you, if you want. One point. But yeah, so great to, to have you here. I mean, it's. You have done a lot over the years to turn your pain into power. I want to say, turn your pain into purpose. And you've, You've gone through a lot. I want to start from like the bottom to the top. How this happened for you, you know, the, the powerful public speaking, the stages that you've been so fortunate to speak on and share your stories.
So, you know, I want to bring into awareness the sort of. Because we've talked obviously behind the scenes before, and, and she. And Amanda, it wasn't easy to get to where she is right now, and it was. And I think those are usually the best stories. The ones that have the, the strongest background are those that have had setbacks in their life and have had some troubles along the way, bumps in the roads, you know.
And for you, it was a troubled upbringing that you had mentioned to me. And you learned trauma, which is, you know, you shouldn't have had to learn it at the age. You learned it at such a young age.
Can you, can you run the audience through what trauma you went through at such a young age and at what age exactly?
[00:05:27] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, I, I did have a tough childhood and I've had some, I call it little T's and big T's, little traumas, which are repeated traumas over a long period of time that might seem small to some, but when they're aggregated over, over a long period of time, it can create long term trauma and then big trauma, a big event that I had both.
So when I was born, I spent the better portion of my first life in a woman's shelter with my mom and her two other kids. And I've never actually met my dad before. So I grew up just with a single mom.
And my earliest memories of my childhood are around six and seven years old, going to bed and my mom's not there and then waking up in the morning and she's not there. So I'd have to get myself up and go to school with no food and so a lot of food insecurities at times. Sometimes it was okay and sometimes it wasn't. But as a child I think we really value security and that safety that comes with the security. So at a very young age, I started to learn how to fend for myself.
My sister and I were best friends growing up. Thank God I had her.
And then just a lot of neglect from a hygiene perspective, really messy house, never had friends over.
So a lot of that happening and just a lot of my mom not really being present herself and having to do things on my own from a really young age, which over time really made me feel lonely. Like when I think back about my childhood, I just felt lonely.
Just not having any parental guidance or stability there was tough for me.
So as I, you know, as I got older, by the time I was. Those are the little T's that started to stack up.
[00:07:26] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:07:27] Speaker B: That start to erode your self esteem as you get older. Especially when you don't have someone there, an adult really cheering you on, you know, or guiding you or teaching you. Like with my son, I have always, I have a nine year old almost. And I always say to myself, my job is to prepare him for the real world. And that's the way I look at my role with him.
[00:07:46] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:07:47] Speaker B: And I didn't have anyone preparing me for the real world. And so by the time I was 13, I had already become very independent. I was already very, I would say, a sad child inside. I think outwardly you couldn't tell because I had gotten really good at putting a mask on by that point. Because the worst thing as a child, you do not want your peers to know you're different at all. You just want to fit in.
And so I tried really hard that they didn't find out what my home life was like, which is why I never had friends over. I had one friend that came over.
[00:08:22] Speaker A: So did you. Did you live in a.
Your own family house at the time, or was the shelter your home? Like, growing up till you were, what, age or.
[00:08:32] Speaker B: No, it was a temporary thing with the shelter. And then I did live in the same home till I was 14 years old or so. So we did have the same home. It just was.
It was a tough childhood. It was tough not just not having present parents all the time.
[00:08:49] Speaker A: Where do you think your. Your mom and dad went off to when they weren't taking care of you?
[00:08:55] Speaker B: Well, I don't know where my real dad was.
I don't know that side of the family at all.
And the truth be told, I don't know where my mom was either. I think there was times she probably was working, but I know that there was a lot of times that, you know, there was different boyfriends, unfortunately, that came in and out. And, you know, I'm not sure, but I just. There was one incident when I was probably about nine or so that she wasn't there, and her boyfriend came drunk, and, you know, one can only wonder if she. Maybe she left because she thought he might be showing up and she wanted to get out and.
And he was trying to pry the windows open. You know those crank windows?
[00:09:36] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah.
[00:09:37] Speaker B: And one of them was kind of propped, and he was trying to pry it open, yell, trying to get in the house. And I'm terrified. I'm, you know, still a young girl, and I'm hiding up in the closet, and my older brother's there with his friend, and he had a bat, and, like, this whole thing's happening. And I don't ever remember conversation happening after that with my mom. There was no, you know, check in with me to see if I was okay. So that's just one example of, you know, a little T. That would be traumatic for my son. Would always remember that because he doesn't have these things as a. As a constant. Right. But for me, it's just one of many stories that I could share with you.
[00:10:13] Speaker A: Do you. Do you still talk to your mom?
[00:10:15] Speaker B: I do not.
[00:10:15] Speaker A: Do not.
[00:10:16] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:10:16] Speaker A: Okay. And this was. And when was the last time you seen her, talk to her?
[00:10:22] Speaker B: Really had a conversation was about four years ago. Just through email.
Just.
It's a toxic relationship.
[00:10:31] Speaker A: Very toxic.
[00:10:32] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:10:33] Speaker A: Still.
[00:10:33] Speaker B: Yes.
So I think for anyone that's listening, it is okay to step away from your family if it is triggering. Triggering for you. Because what happened was I started to go to therapy and I started to. I went to therapy every week for a year and a half and I invested in that process, both financially and from a time commitment.
[00:10:56] Speaker A: Good for you.
[00:10:57] Speaker B: Yeah. Thank you. And as I'm going to therapy, it's like you're stitching up a wound and then it's getting ripped back open and you're stitching up a wound and it's getting ripped open. And for me, it was my family dynamic and so I needed to step away in order to fully heal and get stronger from that. And so that's where I am today.
[00:11:14] Speaker A: Yeah. And if you could speak to your mom right now, like if you're speaking to the camera and says, do you.
Do you forgive your mother for everything that happened or you're not sure?
[00:11:28] Speaker B: I. When it comes to my family, I am. I love my siblings so much and I don't have a relationship with anyone, Anyone in my family. I'm the black sheep at this point of my family and I love them so much. And I think when it comes to my Mom, I am 90% there in terms of the forgiveness piece of it.
[00:11:47] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:11:48] Speaker B: The other 10% I'm still working on. And I think it's really hard when you have. I have parents that are still alive that aren't in my life.
[00:11:55] Speaker A: Right.
[00:11:56] Speaker B: So it's like a death that you have to mourn, but you don't get that funeral service. There's no closure for you. You have to create your own closure. So for me, I'm still working on.
[00:12:06] Speaker A: It and I, And I, you know, I just can't because this is, you know, I, I'm very fortunate to have grown up in a. In a wonderful home and love my parents. And I, like, I just can't even imagine, like, you haven't you. So you haven't spoken to your dad, you haven't seen. You never met him, you don't have no. Any idea, whereas of his whereabouts.
[00:12:29] Speaker B: Well, I'm not going to go down a huge rabbit hole with you, but what I will tell you is I did discover who it was and when you talk about these big T's that happen. So I thought I was over the hump. I was in my 30s and I decided to, you know, I was always told who he was. Okay. And I knew he was Irish. And I thought, well, let me get my DNA done. I have a son now. I want to find out my health history.
So I did my DNA more. So, like, I wanted to see the Irish so I could approach him.
[00:12:56] Speaker A: Right.
[00:12:56] Speaker B: I didn't want to get rejected. I was afraid of that. So I felt like if I have this DNA, I can. @ least he'll. He'll listen to me.
[00:13:03] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:13:04] Speaker B: And long story short, I found out that it's not actually him. I found out that I have a different dad. When I got the results back, instead of saying Irish, it said Croatian.
[00:13:14] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:13:14] Speaker B: And I knew right away it wasn't him. And so I actually found out it was my godfather that I had known my whole life was actually my dad. So it's a complicated story when I say that I never met my dad, because I did actually have him around here and there as a child, but I didn't know that that was my actual dad. So there's just so many layers to the trauma and to the.
The relationship with my mom and the dynamics of it.
[00:13:43] Speaker A: So hold on one second. I'm a little confused. So wait, your godfather is not your dad is your dad is your dad?
[00:13:50] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:13:51] Speaker A: Okay, so you've.
Like, when did you. When did you last see him?
[00:13:58] Speaker B: Years ago.
[00:13:58] Speaker A: Years ago?
[00:13:59] Speaker B: Yeah, years ago.
[00:14:00] Speaker A: Okay. You think he took off with someone else? Like another woman or another.
[00:14:04] Speaker B: Well, I. Like, I do know he was married at the time. He has other kids, so I don't know what the dynamic is. And that's really hard. When you find something like that out, you don't have the answers. There is no.
There's just no closure. You have to create it for yourself.
[00:14:16] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:14:17] Speaker B: And so what I will say is it's better knowing than not knowing. Because when my son asks me now about my side of the family, I have an answer for him of who his grandfather is.
[00:14:24] Speaker A: Right.
[00:14:25] Speaker B: And. And that's all I can hope for.
[00:14:27] Speaker A: Do you find yourself curiously searching for him online or.
[00:14:32] Speaker B: I know. Well, I know who he is, and I know enough about him. I had slept at his house growing up. Like, I. I know enough about him that I don't need to know anymore.
[00:14:42] Speaker A: No. Anymore.
[00:14:42] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:14:43] Speaker A: Gotcha.
[00:14:43] Speaker B: I have closure with it.
[00:14:44] Speaker A: Yeah. So that's good to. Good to know.
So you're talking about the little T's, and then those turned into, like, medium teas. We're talking about trauma. If you're just checking in now, you know, traumas is certainly something that I think a lot of people go through at some point in Their life. And Amanda has dealt with quite a bit.
So you're moving on to the. The teenage years and how you coped with all this trauma. What. What did you have to do in order to get by day by day, mentally and physically?
[00:15:25] Speaker B: As a young child, you don't know the difference. So as a young child, I was blissfully going about life. Even at that 6 and 7 years old, I. I felt hungry, but I didn't understand what was really going on. And as you get older, you do start to understand. And so you start to. Your coping mechanism is to put the mask on and pretend everything's fine. And then when I was 13, it was about two weeks before my 14th birthday. I was in grade eight.
[00:15:50] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:15:51] Speaker B: The big T happened that I'm for me in my life. And I was out with my friends. It was a Friday night, beautiful night, and I had swung by my house to get changed, and my sister was there. And when I came to the house, she said, the kids are missing. The kids are missing. And I said, and the kids she's referring to was my best friend's brother and sister that live next door.
[00:16:13] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:16:14] Speaker B: And a little girl named Renee, which was a friend of hers and was part of my family at the time. And they were 7, 4, and 3 years old. And they're playing hide and go seek. And I've just expressed to you some of the ways I grew up. There was a lot of neglect, and you were alone a lot. So for me, I didn't think much about it.
[00:16:30] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:16:31] Speaker B: So I said, oh, you'll find them. And, you know, I'm preoccupied with my friends. And I went and got changed and I left. And then I started to feel pretty guilty about it leaving her alone. So I said, let me head back. I'm going to help her look. So I turn the corner, and I'm about 30ft from my house, and I see fire trucks and ambulances just everywhere.
And again, I'm only 13 and I'm not thinking anything serious. And I'm thinking, well, maybe they're here to help look for them. So I'm walking down and. And then I see a body coming out of the house.
And my heart sunk. And the. It was chaotic at the scene. And I saw my mom and I said, what's happened? What's going on? And she said, the. The kids were in the trunk. The kids were in the trunk. And I'm thinking, the trunk of a car. What are you talking about?
And I went to run in my house. I never got an answer because it was just. Everyone was just running around frantically. And I ran into my house, and it was a really small house, about 1100 square feet. And so I went in the side entrance, and when you go in, you're right into the kitchen. And it's a very small space. So the kitchen table sits right in the middle.
[00:17:37] Speaker A: Right.
[00:17:38] Speaker B: And when I went in to get out of there, they were doing CPR on one of the children on the table on my kitchen table, and I froze. And then I ran back out and I heard, you know, what I saw and heard that night is still with me.
If you. I've. I heard one of the moms scream that. You've never heard this sound before. And I'm a mom myself. I know. You're a father.
[00:18:01] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah.
[00:18:03] Speaker B: Almost animalistic.
And so I went to my friend's house that night, and the long and short of it is they all three of them had climbed into an antique wooden chest, like Mr. Dress Up's tickle trunk, which are built to be airtight for transporting these antique chests on ships across the oceans.
And so they climbed in in under four minutes. Four minutes. They fell asleep in under eight minutes. They passed away because there was no air holes.
So they. When you see. And I showed you the size of the trunk, it's small.
[00:18:38] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:18:39] Speaker B: And so they must have been so excited to cram in for them to cram in there.
And I had walked past the trunk on my way up to get changed, and. And so I dealt with some of those. That guilt after the fact.
[00:18:50] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:18:50] Speaker B: But after that happened.
[00:18:52] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:18:53] Speaker B: My mom, who already hadn't been there a lot, there was already a lot of issues.
She abandoned my sister and I, who's a year and a half older than me, in the house that this happened in.
[00:19:03] Speaker A: Wow.
[00:19:04] Speaker B: And she just left with her boyfriend and my younger brother and never came back for me.
[00:19:09] Speaker A: Oh, my God.
[00:19:10] Speaker B: And I was there for nine months with my sister through the winter time.
And so as the. She stopped paying the bills, the heat and the hydro started getting cut off, and there was no food in the house. And I'm already used at this point to some scarcity, but never like this.
[00:19:28] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:19:28] Speaker B: And so we used to go to the corner store and steal food from there. And I'm now in grade nine, so I'm. I'm having to, like, go to school during the day and mask on.
[00:19:39] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:19:39] Speaker B: Nobody knows what's. What's going on.
[00:19:41] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:19:41] Speaker B: And, like, I remember having head lice at the time. I got head lice somehow because of.
[00:19:47] Speaker A: Probably how, like if the house wasn't taken care of and everything was upside down, the way you, you know, she, your mom often left it, or your dad, you know, just, just. She just gave up on the house, you know, and that could trigger it. I mean, but I'm just, I, you know, I got to say, first and foremost, I'm so sorry that you went through that and for the losses and my condolences. It's like, I mean, it can't be easy for you to bring this up and speak about it as often as you do. I mean, there could be a trigger there. It could be just that you, you relive the scene you've seen over and over again.
And I have to commend you for bringing that up again, like just being able to talk about it without difficulty. It's a. Because it's not something I don't think you ever get over. It's just you.
You're speaking of it and it just goes to show how strong you are. You've gone through so much in your life and you're still able to keep on keeping on, even though it's difficult. Like you're just one foot in front of the other. But I can't even imagine you seeing a scene like that or, or envisioning that. Like you were in the house. I'm just.
You were there on the main floor and they were upstairs. Yeah.
[00:21:10] Speaker B: When it. Well, they, I went upstairs to get changed. They were up there in the trunk.
[00:21:15] Speaker A: You had no idea. No noises coming through. And then you leave with your friend. You get some guilt because you wanted to still hang out with your sister to, to take care of them, to help look. Help look.
And then you come home to that. And I'm sure you have all kinds of guilt feelings which you shouldn't have, but I know that that self doubt can kick in.
So you know, you've dealt with, with, with all that and you like, do you still replay it in your head outside of talking about it, like over wishing that you could have done something different or.
[00:21:53] Speaker B: That's a great question. And after it happened, because, you know, two weeks or six weeks after that I graduated public school and then I'm right into high school and then I'm abandoned in the house. And so they're really. And I. No one ever got me any help. Yeah, we never, my family never spoke about it. My mom never talked to me about it. So I didn't even get to process it because I just went into survival mode as a teenager.
[00:22:17] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:22:18] Speaker B: And so. And then I started drinking at a young age. At 15, I started to drink and I. I became dependent on alcohol it through my 20s.
[00:22:27] Speaker A: That was mostly to just mask the pain.
[00:22:29] Speaker B: Absolutely.
[00:22:30] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:22:30] Speaker B: Yeah. I mean, I have a lot of compassion for anyone I see that has an alcohol or drug dependency or any dependency, because I know that it comes from a place of trauma. We're talking about trauma today.
[00:22:40] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:22:41] Speaker B: So it wasn't actually until I.
I got pregnant with my son, I was aware I had a drinking problem. I was in my late 20s and I was drinking to the point of blacking out.
And at the same time, I'm building this career. So I'm doing these two things at the same time.
[00:22:57] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:22:58] Speaker B: Because when I got left in the house, I had this night where I was in all of my winter. We would have to sleep in our winter clothes because it was freezing in there.
[00:23:06] Speaker A: Yeah. No one was paying for the electricity. Yeah.
[00:23:09] Speaker B: And so we were just. We were just huddled together. We're. We're sleeping like this. And so I was seeing my breath coming in and out, and I had. I was so sad. And I told you I was already feeling sad before, and now I'm. You know, as a teen, you need your parents.
[00:23:23] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:23:24] Speaker B: And I didn't have them. And so I was contemplating suicide at the time. I was 15.
And as I'm thinking about it, I just remember this. Just this feeling of self awareness. Just like a complete moment of self awareness. It's the first time I look back and I remember specifically that happening.
[00:23:40] Speaker A: Like an epiphan.
[00:23:41] Speaker B: Epiphany. Like whatever you want to call it, a voice or whatever. And it was like, no one is coming to save you, and you have to get out of this on your own.
[00:23:50] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:23:50] Speaker B: And the next day I woke up, I got some paper, and I hand wrote a bunch of resumes out and I went on foot and I started handing out these resumes and I got my first job.
[00:23:59] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:23:59] Speaker B: And then I remember thinking to myself, you're going to use this job as a stepping stone to get a reference to the next job and the next job.
[00:24:05] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:24:06] Speaker B: So I'm building my career this way because I don't ever want to be back in that place.
[00:24:10] Speaker A: Right.
[00:24:11] Speaker B: But at the same time, I'm coping with alcohol.
[00:24:13] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:24:14] Speaker B: And so by the time I was 30, I got pregnant with my son and it forced me to get sober. Like right there.
[00:24:21] Speaker A: You were able to just quit cold turkey.
[00:24:23] Speaker B: Yeah. I mean, I felt strongly about that fact of not wanting to damage him or whatnot. So I stopped. But what happens is when you all of a sudden stop, it's like, it's like an addict that just pulls up, pulls away from using.
[00:24:37] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:24:38] Speaker B: Everything that I was holding down just went like this and just came out and I couldn't hold back these flashbacks and these things that were happening to me and it, and it pushed me into therapy.
[00:24:51] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:24:51] Speaker B: And that's how I ended up in therapy.
[00:24:53] Speaker A: And did you find therapy helpful?
[00:24:55] Speaker B: I really highly recommend it to everybody. Just pour yourself into it.
You deserve it. If you've been through any level of trauma. And my trauma is not to. For someone to. I've had people say to me before, oh, God, I thought I went through something, I must not have gone through much. And I'm like, no, it's your story.
[00:25:11] Speaker A: Right.
[00:25:11] Speaker B: And if it affected you in a negative way and it's showing up in your life today, you have to deal with it.
[00:25:15] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:25:15] Speaker B: So I, I highly recommend therapy.
[00:25:18] Speaker A: So that was sort of like your tipping point to this holistic healing that you experienced after all this trauma.
Can you speak about this healing journey a little bit on how it's shaped who you are today? What did you, what did you go through exactly? Was it mostly the therapy or was there other.
[00:25:37] Speaker B: I think there was a few things. It was the therapy first and foremost. Because I think a lot of times people are like, just think positive.
[00:25:42] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:25:42] Speaker B: You know, it doesn't work like that. You have to heal it. You know, that's like if you break your leg and someone going, well, just walk on it.
[00:25:48] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:25:49] Speaker B: Well, you can't. You will if you heal it.
[00:25:51] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:25:51] Speaker B: You know, so therapy is one piece. I'm a big believer. I love this saying by Bedros Coolian. Fitness is a gateway drug to success in whatever area of life you want. So I had been in a very toxic 14 year relationship and I decided to leave the relationship.
I believe in putting yourself through hard things to build confidence and resilience and grit to build the kind of life that you want. So, you know, what I did in that house when I was 15 and writing those resumes out and going on foot, that's hard to do that.
You know, stopping drinking when I got pregnant, that's really hard to do. Choosing to leave this, my son's father in a 14 year relationship, that's really hard to do. I chose to get a personal trainer and I lost 47 pounds when I chose to leave. Yeah, that was really hard.
[00:26:38] Speaker A: Yeah.
Choose your heart, right? Yeah.
[00:26:40] Speaker B: Choose your heart.
[00:26:41] Speaker A: That hard is probably the fitness part is, is what you enjoy and what helps the brain and, you know, function. And you've obviously noticed that through your own vivid self awareness. Can you talk a little bit about the toxicity that you left in this relationship with the 14 years? What, what was toxic exactly about it?
[00:27:04] Speaker B: Well, you know, we met when we were 22, and so we both have our own backgrounds and I, you know, there's this thing called trauma bonding. And we both were there to support each other through a lot of our, you know, 20s and dealing with, and coping with our own pasts. And when I went to therapy, it was signaled the end of that relationship because I started to heal my own stuff.
And I was aware of how toxic our relationship was at that point. And it was the hardest thing I ever did because it was my son's father and I was splitting up the family. But I remember a moment we argued right in front of him, and I remember thinking, oh, my gosh, because of what I've been through, I know it affects children as they're older, what they experience in their childhood. So I said, I gotta go.
And so it was hard, but it's led me honestly to be here with you. All these hard things has led me to where I am today.
[00:27:56] Speaker A: Right.
[00:27:57] Speaker B: But I do believe that even if you haven't experienced this level of trauma, if you put yourself through hard things, you can build the kind of resilience and grit that I have that you, I'm sure, have. You don't need to go through what I have been through. You have to. You can purposely put yourself in hard things.
[00:28:11] Speaker A: Right. Yeah.
[00:28:12] Speaker B: And build confidence and resilience that way.
[00:28:15] Speaker A: Yeah, it's a good, good point for sure.
So you've gone through the healing journey. We talk about that and, and how you've channeled this pain to where it brings you to today, and you've really turned it into purpose. Everything that you've gone through and built one of the fastest growing grassroots charitable initiatives in Simcoe County. Can you talk about what that's all about and share with the audience?
[00:28:46] Speaker B: Yes. I love what you said earlier about pain into purpose and going back to doing hard things. I really believe that by doing hard things, you will find your purpose.
[00:28:56] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:28:56] Speaker B: It doesn't just come to you. You can't just be laying there and thinking, oh, I'm just waiting for my purpose to come to me, or whatever things. It doesn't work that way. You have to just do something, take some level of action. And so with all the things I discussed, I ended up doing this fitness podcast after losing all this weight, I got invited to do it. And I said to them, you know what? I've done all this healing. Yeah, maybe I'll open up for the first time. Is it the right platform? And they said, yeah, do it. So I opened up about some of the things I shared with you here and I was so nervous. Yeah, nobody wants to be put out there, especially my whole life I had this mask. I told you, right? So now I'm like really taking it off.
And I got inundated with hundreds of messages from people that had watched this and was really inspired. And I thought this was end of October 2023. And I thought, oh my God, I have to do something. Like, like, I have always wanted to do something with my story.
And so it was right before Christmas. So I thought, you know what? I know there's a lot of kids out there. Like, I was where Christmas is tough, you can hide a lot of your circumstances throughout the year, but Christmas, those kids get a spotlight when they go back to school.
[00:29:57] Speaker A: Right.
[00:29:57] Speaker B: That they didn't get the same experience.
And so I thought, you know what? I'm going to start this Christmas campaign. I'm going to try and find the kids that were like me, whose parents don't reach out for help. They're not connected to traditional charities, and I'm going to try and find them and I'm going to gift them a Christmas experience and so I can boost their self esteem, make them feel special.
And so I thought to myself, you know what, Even if I only get 20 kids, I'm gonna, I'll just pay for this myself. I didn't know how I was gonna do it, but I just decided to do something.
So in two weeks, I got it up off the ground. I have an anonymous nomination process where a coach, a teacher, a pastor can nominate these kids and I call the parents and I do the hard conversation.
And I've been able to find this niche that they're not getting help.
And in just five weeks of launching, I was able to raise $75,000 in contributions. And we gifted 91 kids with full Christmas experiences.
[00:30:51] Speaker A: That is, that's incredible. Like, I don't know, like, that's literally like, wow. I, you know, just from something that you said, what, what can I do with my pain? I didn't get a chance to experience Christmas the way, you know, a child typically does. And, you know, you were, you said, I'm gonna, you full went through with this. You were like, I gotta do this. And there's something in the brain there, that'll. That makes it tick when you're, you know, it's like it has its own heartbeat because you're doing something you were meant to do. I can't explain it. It's difficult when you're. It's the same thing with this podcast. You know, when you turn it into purpose, when you do something that's trying to help others, there is, it's, it's not. It's work, but it's like rewarding work. You're not watching the clock anymore. You're like, you're actually making a difference in people's lives for those children. Like they're, they're never going to forget that.
[00:31:42] Speaker B: Well, and I know what they must feel like on Christmas. That's the thing. I was them and so I decided to. And it's a full time job for me this Christmas campaign on top of my business. But I'm so passionate about it because I know it just takes one moment to open a child's eyes to a new perspective in life. And maybe they'll never get a Christmas like this ever again, but they will always remember it. And that's sometimes all it takes to change an entire family legacy. And so I chose to do it again this past year and I raised $125,000 in contributions this year and gifted 141 kids with full Christmases. So in total, in a year and a half, we've raised over $200,000 in contributions and gifted 231 kids with full Christmases.
[00:32:25] Speaker A: Wow.
[00:32:25] Speaker B: And it's just taken off. And I will say, just like you doing this podcast and giving me a platform, it's all because I chose to be vulnerable and I chose to open up. But before that happened, I had to heal from it first.
[00:32:39] Speaker A: Good for you. Yeah, you've. Wow.
Yeah, I'm proud of you. And you, you're gonna obviously keep doing these, these every Christmas.
[00:32:47] Speaker B: Yeah, we just had the 25th anniversary when the kids died. Yeah, just was a few days ago on Instagram.
[00:32:54] Speaker A: Yeah, you can, they can follow her, by the way. You can follow her at Amanda Patrick. Right?
[00:32:58] Speaker B: We can do Amanda Lily Patrick or I gift a family. So gift underscore a underscore family on Instagram. You'll see a lot of great video there.
[00:33:06] Speaker A: Yeah, for sure. So follow away. And I, yeah, I look forward to seeing that. And you'll have to come back again, you know, before Christmas time and we'll, we'll promote this for sure for the, you know, the next upcoming season and trying to get kids more Christmas.
[00:33:18] Speaker B: So I would love that.
[00:33:19] Speaker A: Good for you. So nice for of you to drop by, that is.
[00:33:22] Speaker B: Thanks for having me.
[00:33:23] Speaker A: Yeah. A passionate philanthropist and accomplished entrepreneur and powerful public speaker, she has certainly risen to the top and she is doing great things in this world. So follow her again on Instagram. That's Amanda Patrick. And thanks so much for listening to this podcast. This is episode number eight of Awareness. Good to see you back. Don't forget to like and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Rob Daniels for producer. Mike, we'll see you.
