Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: Foreign.
[00:00:19] Speaker B: Well, hi there again, family and friends and well, first and foremost, welcome to 2026. Happy New Year. This is the first episode of Awareness fostering a more compassionate, empathetic and accepting society for the year 2026.
And I am thrilled to have a returning guest with me here tonight in Dr. Mary Morano. You may have remembered our episode from 2025. We chatted some great subjects which it's available on YouTube and all 43 podcast platforms. If you haven't taken a listen to it, we highly suggest you do a lot of great material, learning material and of course you can get that by going to YouTube and typing in awareness with Rob Daniels for all the episodes. This is episode number 34 of Awareness and I hope you can click that like subscribe button. Be a part of the community. The mental health journey, it's an ongoing one for a lot of people out there. It's a daily, you know, it's a daily thing for a lot of people and we want to just normalize that.
Mental health is, is, you know, a part of our every day. And sometimes we have ups, sometimes we have downs and we go through a lot of that especially, excuse me, kicking off a brand new year. We may have very big expectations of ourselves and putting a lot of pressure on ourselves to change.
And I think, you know, Mary's got a lot of insight here that we can provide on, on how to sort of regulate our emotions during all this.
And so I want to thank first and foremost Dr. Mary Moreno for joining us here. Thank you, Mary.
[00:02:11] Speaker A: Thank you for having me. Happy New Year.
[00:02:13] Speaker B: Happy New Year. And we're going to discuss today, you know, how people can approach New Year's resolutions in a healthy and sustainable way. We'd love your insights on what works and what doesn't. So why don't we start off with awareness and mindset when it comes to this. Like for you, how would you define a good, good New Year's resolution?
[00:02:44] Speaker A: Well, let's, let's start this way. Most New Year's resolutions, they fail not because people lack discipline, but because they're built on self criticism.
[00:02:58] Speaker B: Right, okay.
[00:02:59] Speaker A: Instead of self understanding.
And so they're usually made when we're exhausted, when we're not clear about things. We're coming off the year before and then in January we think now we have these like, our nervous system is like now superhuman. And we're going to make all these changes and then what we will find is that by, you know, I don't know if you, you know, remember from sort of Media where the third Monday of January is.
[00:03:30] Speaker B: Yes, Blue Monday Monday. Right, right.
[00:03:33] Speaker A: But not something that's clinical that like is, you know, but it's that it's. That's when things start to fall off. Right. Because we, you know, built these, you know, really big expectations for ourself and we don't. We want to change that behavior or some kind of behavior without asking ourselves what is our capacity to make that change?
[00:03:55] Speaker B: Right, right. And so what would you say then? That would be common, let's say, misconceptions people have about setting resolutions. Like, what are some common misconceptions?
[00:04:12] Speaker A: Well, let's say they want to lose weight or, you know, so they, they take on, you know, if I can say it, they bite off more that they can chew. Right. Instead of I'm gonna lose all this weight or, you know, I'm going to set boundaries, or they want to do a whole overhaul or they want to do like a personality trans.
As opposed to like just doing one small action and asking yourself, you know, what can I realistically do?
[00:04:49] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:04:50] Speaker A: What feels safe for me and sustainable that I have the capacity to keep that, you know, thing going that I.
[00:04:58] Speaker B: Want to do in terms of like, setting the realistic goals.
Like what.
What role do you think self awareness can play when choosing a resolution?
[00:05:12] Speaker A: Well, isn't self awareness everything?
Right. So instead of, you know, saying, I'm going to do all of these things. So I think people mistake motivation as the thing that's going to take us through our, you know, New Year's resolutions, where it's actually one small action.
[00:05:37] Speaker B: Right.
[00:05:38] Speaker A: Plus consistent effort equals change.
I see that change, I like that change.
And then that gives us the motivation to keep on going. Because I like what I see or how it feels when I'm doing that thing. I see the results of those things.
[00:05:56] Speaker B: In your opinion, do you think it's like discipline is better than motivation to have the discipline? Because motivation, we can kind of feel like, yeah, I don't feel like doing this thing. But regardless of how you feel, if you put in the go after discipline, it might be more helpful.
[00:06:14] Speaker A: Absolutely. Motivation wears off. Absolutely. And discipline is the key, that consistent effort. And that's why, you know, when we do something over and over again, it might seem boring, but it works.
[00:06:27] Speaker B: Yeah, exactly. Yeah. It's just, you know, you kind of meet yourself to do it regardless. It's just like the appointment appointments with yourself. Like, you know, okay, 8:00am or 7:00am I know I have to do some exercise and I. And regardless of how I feel I'm going to do the exercise. It's in the calendar. It's like following.
Yes, the calendar. Following that. Regardless.
Regardless of how you may feel. I know there's like, crazy, you know, really dire circumstances where you, you put that off here and there, but for the most part, you're going after the discipline. I totally understand there.
In terms of being realistic, how can someone realistically assess what they can achieve in a year?
[00:07:18] Speaker A: Well, again, it's. It's those small goals. Imagine doing, you know, ten small things. Ten small things equals, you know, big achievements at the end of the day, right? And they're sustainable, right. So you don't overhaul your life because it's January, right. And think that you're going to be able to sustain that because it'll be too much. Like, think of movement. Like people say, like, I'm going to go to the gym every day and I'm going to exercise. Right? And then they don't do any of it because they don't get up. It's not in their calendar. Like an appointment.
Commit to, like, five minutes of movement.
Not an hour, but five minutes, and stop at that five minutes. Because you're going to go like, oh, my God, that was so easy. I did that. I can't believe it. And it feels like a big accomplishment.
And then once you do that five minutes over and over and over again, you have to remember your brain believes what you tell it, right?
[00:08:13] Speaker B: Oh, exactly. And yeah, I mean, it's so true.
Putting it in your calendar, following that, rather than typically how you feel, trying to prepare for a good night's sleep ahead of your workday. A lot of people, you know, sleep is something they just want to improve on in, in the new year. Just getting more of that so you can be more focused in, in your daily life and trying to follow, you know, the facts when it comes to that in terms of, you know, not, you know, the screen time, shutting down all electronics. What is it? What do you recommend? 30 minutes, 40 minutes before bed? An hour maybe?
[00:08:56] Speaker A: Well, sort of the staple, like, let's say, you know, to get better sleep, right? And let's say you had, like, a terrible sleep pattern. Don't try to do it all at once. We're not looking for perfection here. Like practice. One early bedtime a week to start, and then you're going to start to feel refreshed. You know, my rule of thumb for people is no, you know, electronics, no screen time, one hour before bed.
[00:09:23] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:09:23] Speaker A: And for some people, they need to transition to sleep. So I call it like a sleep hygiene routine.
[00:09:29] Speaker B: Right.
[00:09:30] Speaker A: So your brain sometimes has to, they can't just go from like screen time to sleep because your brain is still wide awake when you're, you know, on your screen time. So if you have an hour before what you're going to do is your brain's going to say, oh, this is what we do now. We transition to sleep. Sleep. And so I be doing activities like, you know, reading a book. Not like War and Peace or something like, you know, catastrophic, but something that's, you know, light. Don't do like heavy self help work or anything like that before you go to bed to like stir things up, things that will bring you down, you know, having a nice warm shower or, you know, if you're a bath person, take a nice bath and then do some journal writing or end your night off with gratitude.
[00:10:16] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:10:17] Speaker A: And write those things in a journal.
[00:10:19] Speaker B: Yeah. Makes it makes a lot of sense for sure.
I guess it doesn't help if you have a television in your room. It's probably better to try and keep as many electronics away from the bedroom. I think that's definitely a good goal.
So you did touch on this already, just in terms of commitment and motivation. And I mean, if I had to guess, probably like one of your answers is in, you know, just people putting too much pressure on themselves. But maybe you want to expand on that or even if you want to take the answer in a different direction, it's totally up to you. But why do so many resolutions fail by February?
[00:11:01] Speaker A: Well, because people are saying I should be more productive, I should be calmer or I should be better by now. Right. And there's so much pressure. Right. That we put on ourself that we should be all of these things.
But you know, why can't we just be happy and live our life and be easy on ourselves?
[00:11:23] Speaker B: Right? Yeah, it's true. Like, why do we do this? And I kind of feel like. And maybe you do too. Like I, I try to go against the grain a little bit when it comes to this if I want to change.
Maybe you want to stay out of the limelight when you do that. Like, maybe it's like, okay, I'm going to flip the calendar, it's October the first. But now I'm going to try and commit to change. Instead of January 1st, would you recommend people try that instead of pressuring themselves right off in the new year?
[00:11:56] Speaker A: Well, I say there's, you know, every day is a new day.
[00:11:59] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:12:00] Speaker A: Right. So every minute is an opportunity to change you don't have to wait for January.
You can do that at any time. You can take that one small action. Any. The goal here isn't to become a new person. Right. It's to become less at war.
[00:12:17] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:12:18] Speaker A: With yourself.
Right.
And, and, and, and, and love who you already are.
[00:12:25] Speaker B: Right.
That makes.
Yeah. Ton of sense.
So for people that do have the New Year's resolution, that they continue to try it, how important is it to track progress? Like, what methods would you recommend?
[00:12:45] Speaker A: It all depends on the kind of person that you are. You know, some people are list people, some people are trackers, some people just know how they feel.
You know, if it's a lot of people like to lose weight and go to the gym, that's sort of like a big one, you know, they know how their clothes fit and that sort of thing, you know. But ask yourself, like, instead of adding more things on your plate, ask yourself, like, what can I release?
What can I get rid of?
Right.
Asking yourself this question, like, if I don't do this thing, is it going to be catastrophic?
[00:13:23] Speaker B: Right, Right. That's true. Yeah.
[00:13:26] Speaker A: The answer is likely going to be no.
[00:13:29] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah. Makes. Yeah. Makes so much sense. I mean, it's. Yeah. The thing is we, we get really hard on ourselves sometimes. And.
Yeah, you, you speak the truth with that. And I mean, in terms of new habits, people wanting to start off the new calendar year with a new habit, how long does it usually take to form this new habit for, let's say, their resolution and how can people stick to it?
[00:14:04] Speaker A: So I'll go back to. Your brain believes what you tell it, right? So if you're doing something over and over and over again. Right. So that's why it needs to be consistent. And we talk about the discipline, Right.
You know, there's so many, you know, books that have been written, it could be 21 days to create a new habit, you know, because your brain locks in the new habit. Right. And then practice. Right. And for it to become a lifestyle, it's like 10,000 hours of practice, right. So, like, and, and I, and it's effective, right. When I, when I tell people, like, if you want to change how you're thinking, and we do affirmations, I'll say, now you got to do these affirmations 5 million times a day. And they look at me like, oh, my God, that's craziness. How am I going to do that 5 million times? It can be very busy. And I don't care if people believe the affirmations because that's actually not the part of the br brain that we're trying to work out. We're trying to get your brain to register the new pattern. Because remember, we're more prone to be negative than we are positive. So we have to really work at that. Right. Remember, I should be like this, I should be like that, comparing our other people.
So it takes a lot to. To kind of interrupt those old patterns in order to create new ones.
[00:15:20] Speaker B: Good point.
So in terms of someone dealing with, say, setbacks, you know, let's say we're looking five, six weeks down the road here. And you know, it's that. That lingering thought about giving up entirely. How can someone proactively deal with these setbacks without giving up?
[00:15:44] Speaker A: Well, let's normalize the change. You are going to fall off.
Right. You're gonna fall off course, you're going to miss some days. And that doesn't mean that you failed.
Right.
The consistency isn't falling off.
Okay. It's knowing how to come back and not sort of like attack yourself because, you know, you just get right back on track.
[00:16:09] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:16:10] Speaker A: Right. You had a bad meal, your next meal, your next snack is a healthier choice is a better meal.
[00:16:16] Speaker B: Yeah. So forgiving yourself a little more like, and saying, yeah, you're gonna make up for it the next day, you'll get back on track.
[00:16:23] Speaker A: Yeah. As opposed to that self criticism where you beat yourself up over it and, you know, and how good are we at, you know, that negative dialogue.
[00:16:32] Speaker B: Yeah. That little voice in our head. Right.
We all have that. Can, can be that critic. For sure.
Yeah, for sure. Let's. How about we dive in a little bit to mindfulness and reflection? Like how can reflection and self compassion improve resolution success.
[00:16:57] Speaker A: Well, ask yourself some important questions. Right. What is draining me the most right now?
[00:17:04] Speaker B: Yeah.
Right.
[00:17:06] Speaker A: What would support look like instead of pressure support look like.
[00:17:11] Speaker B: Yeah, that makes sense.
[00:17:13] Speaker A: I would get people to get a blank sheet of paper and, you know, draw a big round circle like a plate.
Right. And put all the things that are draining you on that plate or things that take up your time. Right. And cut them in little pie shapes.
Right. How much time am I spending worrying about, you know, what my neighbor thinks, how much time, you know, and cut that pie shape. So there may be things when you have this visual of what's consuming you.
[00:17:46] Speaker B: Right.
[00:17:47] Speaker A: That you can, you know, maybe spend your time, effort and energy doing other things that maybe bring you more joy or the outcomes of more happiness than, you know, maybe it is your weight or it is a particular situation. In your life. But asking yourself some of those important questions can help you kind of put some perspective when you are being reflective. And I think that's what awareness really is.
Right. How well do I know myself?
You know, what can I take off my plate? What doesn't even belong to me that's on my plate? And you can probably see, maybe I need to get out of the way. Maybe I need to set a boundary somewhere. Maybe I need to say no more often.
[00:18:30] Speaker B: Right. These all make a lot of sense. And I mean, it could even be that, yeah, like you said, what. What do I need to get off my plate? Maybe there's circumstances in your life that. Where people are, they're maybe not meant to be in your life. And if you're really looking to lose weight, but they're adding the negativity to make you gain a lot of weight, maybe it's, you know, whether it's snacking on the wrong foods, not. Because you might run in that into that in therapy too, sometimes. Right. Maybe there's one partner that absolutely loves to keep somewhat of a healthy diet for the most part, but the other is all about not taking care of themselves. And, you know, to live in that situation might be difficult for more difficult probably for the person that's trying to stay healthier or lean into that new them of being healthier if they have someone holding them back in the home. Does that ever.
You ever get people talk?
[00:19:41] Speaker A: Well, what I would say to that a little bit is for anyone, right. So we all have. We all might experience a vice. And so in this case, when you're talking about, you know, you know, eating or in partnership, I would ask people to do reflection in this area.
Right. Because we use food for a lot of things.
[00:20:07] Speaker B: Right.
[00:20:07] Speaker A: This might be sort of like a deeper and longer conversation.
[00:20:10] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:20:11] Speaker A: But am I an emotional eater?
Do I use food to soothe? We use food to celebrate. We use food in all different capacities. Right?
[00:20:21] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:20:22] Speaker A: And we want to look at some of our behaviors and we can replace food with other things, Right?
[00:20:26] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:20:26] Speaker A: So think of things like addictions or addictive behavior. Right. The definition for me when I think of addictions is, you know, a repeated behavior that can cause us self harm.
[00:20:39] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:20:40] Speaker A: And so if we're doing something over and over again that you know, is harmful to us, then we want to take a step back and ask, how come I'm behaving the way I'm behaving? What is this, you know, doing for me? Why am I using food, for example, this way? Or alcohol or drugs or whatever you know, that might be.
[00:21:02] Speaker B: Yeah, makes. Makes sense. The self reflection there in terms of, like, you touched on this before. The discipline is, is going to be key if that's wearing thin.
Particular mental habits you recommend for staying on track throughout the year for, for the resolution.
[00:21:29] Speaker A: I think you mentioned, you know, put things in your, your calendar, like an appointment. Right.
[00:21:34] Speaker B: That would be the best.
[00:21:35] Speaker A: And so it can definitely help keep somebody on track that way. But you have to use it, right. You have to answer the call when your alert goes on. Right?
[00:21:44] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:21:45] Speaker A: The other thing is, you know, do you have a support person in your life, an accountability partner?
It doesn't have to be, you know, a spouse. It could be a good friend. It could be, you know, someone that you met at the gym and now you're sort of calling each other and you become, you know, sometimes it makes it easier to go with a friend. Right?
[00:22:06] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:22:07] Speaker A: And then you can celebrate afterwards with a cup of coffee, you know, and conversation, which is really nice. So those might be ways that people can, you know, hold themselves accountable to whatever goals that they're setting for themselves.
You know, for me, I know when I pay for something, I'm like, that's my discipline. Right. I don't want to miss those things because I want to get the most out of something. So if it is a gym membership or something I'm committed to, I want to follow through with those things. And sometimes that can be hard for people.
[00:22:40] Speaker B: Right? Yeah. Get sidetracked or they just, they don't follow through with, with the discipline in terms of.
I'm just more so interested at this moment to like. It just came to mind that you see a lot of clients you have. You probably deal with various topics with those clients a lot of time. Mostly it's relationships, from my understanding. Right. Like just do or die relationship coach. Right. That's what you got. Mary Morano, the do or die relationship coach.
But do you sometimes, like, have you ever experienced in all your years of providing therapy and helping others that people come to you at this time of year and, and they say, hey, they need help staying on track with their, with their New Year's resolutions. Do you ever get clients or perhaps you recommend that people seek therapy for New Year's resolutions if it's taking over their life in negative ways?
[00:23:45] Speaker A: Yeah, I don't usually recommend that people even set New Year's resolutions.
[00:23:51] Speaker B: Okay, you heard that right here. First, on awareness that the psychotherapist saying, do not set New Year's resolution, make it what A mid year resolution.
[00:24:01] Speaker A: But know that you know, each, like I said earlier. Right. You don't have to wait for the new year to start your new year resolution.
Right. You can start every minute.
Right. And that, like I said, I want to normalize the stress around this because you know, people, when they fail or they stop doing the thing or they feel like they failed something, then they become self critical. Right. Then the inner critic shows up and it's like, see, you can't do it. See, I can't follow through. Right. And that can actually be more harmful to someone's self esteem. So if you're already struggling with self worth or you know, not feeling, you know, at your best, that can be really harmful to, you know, and then you can actually go deeper into some of those negative behaviors or self harming behaviors.
[00:24:58] Speaker B: Yeah. How about for yourself personally? Like do you have a personal resolution or method that has worked for you in the past?
[00:25:08] Speaker A: So for me, I'll tell you one of my.
We have a new puppy. And so his name is George. And George has been very challenging. And you know, I have to walk George in the morning and I have to walk him at night because he's very active.
[00:25:24] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:25:25] Speaker A: And oh boy, I was like resistant and struggling and I didn't want to do it. And so now when I walk George, he's my affirmation. George is good for my health.
[00:25:36] Speaker B: He's good for your health. So that's just. Yeah.
[00:25:39] Speaker A: George and I are good walkers because he's tough.
[00:25:43] Speaker B: He walks you instead of you walking. Yes.
[00:25:47] Speaker A: So I had to really push through and I don't want to go walking at like he's up early in the morning. So we are up walking at like 6:15.
[00:25:57] Speaker B: Wow.
[00:25:58] Speaker A: You know, and I'm an early riser, but it's really easy to say like, do we have to go. The weather's crummy. Freezing rain.
[00:26:06] Speaker B: Yeah. The last few days. Yeah. Yeah.
[00:26:08] Speaker A: Right. And so I don't want to do it and I do it anyways because George is good for my health.
[00:26:14] Speaker B: Yeah. It's an affirmation.
[00:26:16] Speaker A: So when I say like you have to put effort, anything that's rewarding is hard work, folks.
[00:26:25] Speaker B: Yeah, 100%.
[00:26:26] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:26:27] Speaker B: You, you, you know, hit the nail on the head with, with that one. So I think I've seen George before. You've posted them on your Instagram stories, right?
[00:26:36] Speaker A: I have, yes, I have.
[00:26:37] Speaker B: At Mary Underscore Morano. You should certainly follow Mary on Instagram. That's her Instagram handle for amazing insight. You have so much great content on your Instagram. You should be super proud of that and everything you do to help others daily.
You. You're working in one of the the best fields to most purposeful and what's most needed at this moment is more mental health services and you work directly in that and you reach out to others beyond just your clinic by why don't you give your clinic a shout out by the way like say you work at.
[00:27:20] Speaker A: We're in. We are life and family counseling and we're located in Vaughan.
[00:27:25] Speaker B: Yeah. So feel free to look them up if you ever need help. Reach out. Don't be shy.
No shame.
Mary Morano and her team will will certainly take care of you and make you feel welcome.
So what is the I want to leave leave you with this. The the one tip that you would give someone right now struggling with resolutions this year. Go for it.
[00:27:53] Speaker A: I would say don't ask yourself how I can do more.
Ask yourself how I can live better.
How's that?
[00:28:04] Speaker B: Nice.
Love it. Yes. And that's and that has to do with a lot of self awareness and being like kind and compassionate to yourself. And it's. It's certainly good advice. Dr. Mary Morano always appreciate you taking the time follow her and and thank you so much for doing this. Really appreciate it.
[00:28:28] Speaker A: Thank you so much for having me. Love being back.
[00:28:31] Speaker B: That's Dr. Mary Morano on awareness fostering a more compassionate, empathetic and accepting society. Episode number 34. Thank you so much for being here. You can listen and watch this podcast on YouTube and get this audio wherever you get your podcast. Don't forget to like and subscribe for producer Mike. The great producer Mike. My name is Rob Daniels. Thank you so much for being here again and and happy 2026. Look forward to seeing you in the next episode.
[00:29:07] Speaker A: Sam.
