Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: Foreign.
Well, here we are, episode number 20. 20 episodes in. I am so grateful to have been doing this thus far for 20 episodes. Welcome to IT Awareness, the podcast fostering a more compassionate, empathetic and accepting society. Yours truly, Rob Daniels with you here for another valuable episode. And I thank you so much for being along. And just like the video said at the beginning, don't forget to like and subscribe to, to this podcast wherever you get your podcast. That would be certainly appreciated and spread this message around as much as possible with your family and friends, whoever you think it could benefit and help.
That is what we're certainly here for.
So we're sharing stories of resilience, healing, and, of course, humanity. So today's episode featuring yet another deeply personal and powerful conversation with someone who has walked through fire and kept walking.
All right, so she is a nurse, and she is a single mom of three, survivor of domestic violence and addiction, and more recently, someone living with a new diagnosis of epilepsy that turned her world upside down. From working in the healthcare system to now fighting for her own within it. Her story is certainly one of strength and there's setbacks, no doubt, and the unshakable will to keep going in this life. So she's an open book, she's honored, she's opening up here today. So let's dive in, shall we? Thank you so much for being here and. And willing to be so open with us today. Danielle Louise, welcome to Awareness.
[00:02:24] Speaker B: Thank you so much for having me. Robin, for asking me the questions. Let me share. Yeah.
[00:02:30] Speaker A: What's that? Sorry.
[00:02:33] Speaker B: Thank you for asking the questions that will let me share my story.
[00:02:36] Speaker A: Absolutely, absolutely. And I think it's certainly important and as many people need to hear this as possible as possible. So good on you for willing to open up. And I think, I think where I'd like to start with you on this episode is if you could take us back, like to. To the moment that your life began to change with the onset of seizures. Like, what. What were those early days like for you?
[00:03:13] Speaker B: So it was 2023. I've never had any neuro problems at all.
And the first time I didn't even know I had a seizure until the second time, which happened to be witnessed. And at this point, all of my children have had experience calling 911, so they've had that experience. But the very first time I had a seizure, I thought I just slipped on something and hit my face and I put myself back to bed. And when I woke up, there was blood everywhere and I felt Funny.
And I ended up needing three stitches in my nose. So then a couple months later, I came home from walking the dogs in the morning, and the next thing I remember is paramedics, my son on the phone saying, mom, you had a seizure.
And I couldn't believe him because I didn't know what he's talking about. And then the paramedics were like, no, you. You just had a seizure. You're coming out of a seizure.
So that was May 2023.
I had a couple more seizures leading up to October.
At that point, my. My friends were getting very angry, like, why isn't anybody doing anything? Why are you. You're getting no medication, you're still having seizures. And then I had another witnessed seizure.
And my girlfriend drove me right to the doctor's office and said, you need to do something about this. Because at that point it had been four or five seizures.
And the first time you go to emerge, they do a ct and that was normal.
And they did an ekg, because sometimes your heart and your head get off balance. That was normal.
And then I got sent for an eeg, just the basic.
That was normal.
So I started medication in December.
And that has been a whole journey on itself.
[00:05:16] Speaker A: Right? Yeah. Because like the seizure itself, what would you say are the primary symptoms? Like if someone's walking up to you and you're having.
That's what you're experiencing.
[00:05:37] Speaker B: Some people have a warning. There's something called an aura, or sometimes people will have sensations in their body so they can recognize that it. A seizure is going to happen and I don't. So it takes me completely by surprise that I'm.
I am not aware that I'm unconscious until I'm conscious again. And the description has been given to me that you had all of your muscles tense and you were convulsing on the floor.
I bite my tongue in the same spot every time, so there's blood involved. And I've hit my head every time because I can't recognize. So from conscious to unconscious, I fall.
So I've probably had more concussions in the last two years than I've ever had in my life.
So that's a thought. Another.
[00:06:29] Speaker A: Yeah, it's. And it's interesting that we have this episode now because I'll tell you, about a week and a half ago, I was taking the subway, Toronto Transit in the city, heading down to the Toronto Blue Jays game. Huge fan.
And I, you know, I. One of the.
Something that happened on the way there, I couldn't believe because I guess you may have seen my post, the one I was talking about, how all of Union Station was, was shut down. Is that the one you, you saw? Right. Okay. So even before that happened, all of, so all of the Union Station was shut down. There was, it was flooded at one point.
This is going back about a week and a half ago or so. And. And then there was a fire at Union Station. So all trains were just halted and it was just, it seemed like complete commuter chaos outside of Union Station. Traffic not moving at all, people all over the place. And. But leading up to that event, that day was a very.
Yeah, in my mind, a very chaotic commute to head downtown because on the way there, I witnessed somebody towards the tail end having a seizure on the subway. So they were face first on the floor of the subway system.
And I was just trying to find, you know, symptoms, what they were going through, but they were just like totally, like you said, unconscious. Right. That's one of the main things. You don't even realize it.
But what's the medication in order to. I guess it doesn't stop it fully, but it helps you get back to consciousness. Is that my understanding, Am I understanding it correctly?
[00:08:16] Speaker B: It's a long term preventative. So there's no medication that you take in the moment to be able to correct the seizure. It's like when you take an antidepressant. So you're hoping that it builds up in your system and eventually it just stops the seizures from happening.
There are, I would say at least four that I know of, four different types of seizures that. And you can get diagnosed specifically for. They call it tonic clonic seizure or frontal lobe seizure or. And so depending on where the brain activity is, that affects what kind of medication you're going to get.
So there is no. There's a rescue medicine. Like if you were going to watch a medical show, they say push Ativan to stop a seizure in the hospital, but you have to catch the seizure actively happening. And that generally doesn't happen because the person's unconscious on the floor before you even know.
[00:09:12] Speaker A: So realistically, it's mostly like a waiting game until you come back to consciousness. Is that true as well? Like you're waiting how long?
[00:09:23] Speaker B: So any seizure over five minutes is a medical emergency.
Other kinds of, say you, you hit your seizure, you hit your.
If you don't come into consciousness, if you stop breathing, but generally it's a minute or two, they're very short.
And if that is something happening longer than five minutes, then you're going to call 911. Anyways, if somebody's having a seizure and then they will take over that care if it's not stopping. And then at that point they have a rescue medication they can give to alleviate. But usually it's just electrical change, SAP current and it's very short, but it's violent.
[00:10:12] Speaker A: How often do they occur?
[00:10:16] Speaker B: Well, it depends on medication symptoms. There's.
Oh, I couldn't even tell you how epilepsy.
So I've had, I've had an absent seizure which is where I'm there standing up conscious, but I'm not mentally conscious.
So that's an absent seizure. And then I've had the convulsing kind of tonic clients. So if they can narrow down more, they can narrow down the specific medication.
But in, in the meantime, I honestly.
[00:10:51] Speaker A: Wonder if that could even be if there's any sort of relation or if it's just a coincidence when it comes to, let's say sleep talking or sleep walking. And you're saying, well, you're not even.
You're conscious, but you're not conscious. Like you look like you are, but you're. But you're not. And it's.
I find that. Wow. Very like, especially if you have fam. You know, your family, your friends and, and just trying to be able to care for you properly. That's.
It's got to cause a lot of anxiety in the family and for yourself just knowing that that could happen.
Right.
[00:11:31] Speaker B: Yep. Yeah. And it's been a guessing game with my medications. So there has been frequent seizures in a.
And that. It's a guessing game if they. Because they can't find something wrong with my brain. So then it's been a guessing game. Let's try this medication. Oh, you had another seizure. Let's add to that medication. Oh, you had another seizure. Let's change that medication. But there are reasons they do like a sleep deprived EEG they call it. So you don't sleep for 24 hours and then they go and check your electrical activity, which I'm very curious about the similarities between that and sleepwalking or I'm sure there's similarities to.
[00:12:18] Speaker A: And so right now in terms of your medication currently, is it.
Are the seizures under control? Are they still experimenting each time?
[00:12:29] Speaker B: It's been two years of experimentation at this point.
The last seizure I had was May in May. I had a seizure May 10th.
I'm pretty sure it was May 10th.
I had already escalated my medication post car accident because that seizure shouldn't have happened.
So I've been just a bit of an experiment. So an increase of this med and this. Oh, that's not working. So where they added a medication to try. And that medication, the new medication I'm on is so specialized, I'm the only one in my town on it.
[00:13:09] Speaker A: Wow. And what's that called?
[00:13:12] Speaker B: It's called lycosamide. I'm a nurse.
[00:13:16] Speaker A: Yeah, it's. Well, it's. Listen, it's after. I don't blame you. After all the medicines you've tried, I'm sure you get confused at times. Absolutely. And to keep track of that, it's not an easy situation to navigate. And I think you just need to practice patience with yourself.
And, you know, I don't know what the. The. The proper word is. I think that's pretty much what you. What you need to do and understand that it's not your fault and that you are doing the best that you can. And I.
You know, we'll get into just talking about your family, too, because I can't even imagine what that's like for you and your family and everybody having to help and strategize when this sort of thing takes place. But before we get to that, I want to talk about you navigating the medical system because you are currently a nurse, but you're on leave, correct?
[00:14:18] Speaker B: Yeah. Yeah. Due to the last seizure.
[00:14:22] Speaker A: Okay. Due to the last seizure. And when were.
So are you allowed to say which hospital you were a nurse at or where you were nursing, practicing? I don't know.
[00:14:35] Speaker B: So I'm one of those nurses that hasn't decided yet where she actually wants to land. So since I graduated school, I've had several different experiences and avenues.
But when I graduated, I worked at Stevenson Memorial in Alliston. That was my first, and that was the height of COVID and all the isolation rooms everywhere. And I was a brand new nurse, so that was definitely an experience.
[00:15:02] Speaker A: So you work during COVID Oh, yeah, during the height of it, as a nurse.
Okay, so I want you to touch on that for a moment.
The seizures hadn't started yet.
[00:15:17] Speaker B: No.
[00:15:17] Speaker A: Had they not? They know because that was 2023.
So walk me through what being a brand new nurse was like during COVID 19.
Something that likely we only lived through once.
An epidemic, a pandemic, whatever you want to call it, that flipped the entire globe upside down and turned everybody like we were spinning wheels.
And you were there serving one of the most deepest purposes you could possibly do in a pandemic. And that's put your life on on the line to help serve others in a hospital.
And that goes a long way. And I could see it in your face if you're watching on YouTube. That's just the most, you know, I want raw emotions, people just being themselves and not being shy or embarrassed about it. We can, we can cry on this show, we can laugh on this show, whatever it is that, you know, helps build sanity and, and just coping and just understanding that you, you're a healthcare hero, you did what you did. And so why don't you. You know, I've talked a lot here, but I think I'd literally like to hear from a nurse that worked through covet like yourself. And then, and this is brand new to you, you haven't, you didn't even have like, just experience of regular hospital yet whatsoever. And then you just go in and then bam, the world flips upside down on you.
What did you go through in that time, mentally, physically, the exhaustion speak to that and maybe even what some of your co workers felt like, how you coped.
What can you tell me about working through COVID 19, as a nurse in a hospital, serving others and helping in hopes that we just did not lose as many lives as possible?
[00:17:28] Speaker B: So I graduated in 2021, which is the tail end of. It was still very.
All kinds of patients were in isolation. Covid was still very rampant.
Unfortunately, due to the isolation lockdown, they didn't let nursing students into hospitals for their final consolidation placement, which would have been my opportunity to see how the hospital runs, learn how to do IVs, learn how to put in catheters, learn how to do those skills with help. So when I graduated, I didn't get that experience.
So when I started on the floor, I had to learn everything.
So I, I didn't know how to put an IV in, and I'm learning how to put an IV in somebody who is severely sick, dehydrated, and I'm in layers of protective gear. So it was, it was a big challenge. And I wasn't. There were actually several of us that were brand new, so it was nice to have a little bit of camaraderie so you didn't feel alone in all of us making mistakes and trying to learn together.
You could tell that the nurses who had already been there were exhausted. And so the seasoned nurses, as we would call them, did not have the energy to put into us as new nurses that like, they probably normally would have. So it just added to our kind of terror in the environment of what's going to happen. Our Insecurities about our own ability to give care because we didn't even know.
I definitely learned the most that I ever could have learned in that year of I don't think there's anything that I couldn't do on a floor now because the amount of variations and the kind of care and the 30 year old with the chest tube because he's Respiratory distress because of COVID to the 98 year old who can't get to the bathroom because he can't breathe anymore. And the differing.
And we didn't just have Covid problems during COVID people still had heart attacks and still were having an adverse reaction to cancer treatment. And so it was a very.
To be honest it was a very traumatic experience experience and looking at.
[00:19:58] Speaker A: And I think, I think you deserve a degree or diploma on top of your original nursing schooling for being in that extra one year because that's. You're not going to get a better school than that being throwing yourself into situations like that. Left, right and center right.
[00:20:17] Speaker B: I kind of. I understand the lockdown in isolation and there's university insurance for when you're placing students. But to me, if I was already willing to go into that healthcare environment the ideal learning experience would have happened in that time. I should have been in the hospital.
So I was a little bit disappointed that we couldn't have that training experience with a partner. So by the time we got out to the field the nurses had already been dealing with code for a year. And I'm not, not even kidding half of them went and found other jobs.
[00:20:54] Speaker A: To do because it was just way too overwhelming, way too much and I. Yeah. List. Is that how you felt? Did you leave right after Covid 2 or you stuck around until your. I was there until epilepsy.
[00:21:10] Speaker B: Yeah. Until 2022.
I actually got an injury at Stevenson's. So because of.
I would talk about. I work in healthcare because of the amount of clients then sorry patient. The patient to nurse ratio was sometimes one of me to eight patients. And even though they say the union does things and the hospital says things and you're not gonna.
You're a good nurse. You're not gonna let any of those eight patients not get what they need. Otherwise you're not in the right field because nurses about caring and so I ended up having a back injury due to one of the elderly patients who couldn't get up properly. And I. I had three kids naturally and I've had lots of injuries in my life but never have I ever felt a back like that.
So that was my way out of that.
When you hit something, it's like that was my limitation marker was that's enough. You hurt yourself now and it's time to move on.
[00:22:16] Speaker A: So, yeah, you, you were like, how many hours a day were you working during COVID Was it 12 hour shifts?
[00:22:23] Speaker B: Yeah, but I, I would get a 20 minute break to go shovel some food into my house if I was lucky.
And that's.
[00:22:31] Speaker A: And this is.
So you were in pp, like, pp. He. You're wearing PPE the whole time during these shifts. So you're pretty much you, you look like almost like you're an astronaut in those times. Like you were covered in, in gowns, white gowns, and, and just do you.
[00:22:50] Speaker B: Know, you can't wear the same.
You have to change gear every time you go into a different room too. So we weren't just constantly walking, we were constantly taking it off and putting it on every time. So, so that, believe it or not, that extra five minutes or 10 minutes, it takes away from the very minimal time we already had to do basic patient care. So.
[00:23:14] Speaker A: Stressful. So stressful that must have been. And the anxiety that comes with all of that.
Again, you are a hero for trying it out and doing the best that you could and serving in that type of environment.
Can't even imagine.
So thank you for your service for that.
I want to talk about the navigation of this medical system in Canada.
So you had to navigate it not as a nurse, but now as a patient with the seizures and such, and one without clear answers.
So what was that like for you to have to navigate it as a patient as opposed to being a nurse?
[00:24:06] Speaker B: Can I talk on getting my ADHD diagnosis?
I had to go to that myself. I had to do the typical request from the family doctor for the referral, but I, I had to go to the psychiatrist with the evidence and say, this is what it is. And then he said yes.
So there's very.
So I go there and then two years later, three years later, the seizures start happening. And there's three. I have three or four doctors now and a pharmacist involved in my care, and none of them are connected.
So that's another part of our health care system, is that if everybody was connected, if we had a universal access system like Saskatchewan does, and everybody can read everybody's. It's getting better. But, but yeah. So the. So I had a seizure, then I had a seizure, went to the hospital the second time. My family doctor, I think he's.
I don't know if he's in charge of the emergency department there, but he's very involved as one of the physicians. So he knew I went to the emergency because he was there.
And so then he was kind of shocked because he didn't expect this to start happening with me.
Not like, not so. Several tests were. The blood work shows a certain marker if you've had a seizure. So the marker is there because it reads how many.
There's a certain molecule that your body puts out after all the muscles have tensed and released. And so when that tightened, you can say that you've had a seizure because of the amount of activity, but that he didn't. He took it as a one off and just said, okay, that's odd.
[00:26:00] Speaker A: So then go ahead.
[00:26:02] Speaker B: Yeah, go ahead. No, go ahead.
[00:26:04] Speaker A: I was just gonna say how comfortable are you about talking about the vaccines from COVID 19?
Is that something that you're allowed to speak on or not?
[00:26:21] Speaker B: I don't know.
I have three vaccines.
[00:26:26] Speaker A: You got three vaccines. Right. Okay. So I don't necessarily have an opinion on these. I'm just. I'm more of like, okay, just tell me what can help so that I can stay alive Because I love life. I try to love life, or I don't want to not love life. And what can I do to stay alive? I don't. I don't run around rampant thinking. I know all this because I know you and your co workers are the experts.
But I'm just.
I'm trying to piece together the years and the months apart from your seizures and 2023, and you working in these Covid environments and having three vaccines.
And vaccines can be a great thing, can save your life. Absolutely. From my understanding, the evidence shows it can, but the side effects, we don't really get into those. And can something like seizures be brought on by vaccines?
[00:27:32] Speaker B: So my biggest contention with that is that there's nowhere to get an answer.
So if that is the case, if there is some neurological side effect, just tell me where I can. I will participate in the research. You can use me as part of or. Or let me write something about it. I'm a nurse. I'm a researcher. Let me contribute somehow to. I would just like somebody to actually be investigating without public repercussions or healthcare repercussions or all the class action or whatever's gonna happen. It. It doesn't matter. I just.
In. In.
In my life, what makes sense is that something was introduced and something changed and there isn't any information about something that was introduced so that I can Definitively say it wasn't that.
[00:28:28] Speaker A: Yeah, it's hard. It's hard to say. And I guess it's something that we'll never know unless there's more testing down the line, I guess.
[00:28:37] Speaker B: Exactly. Yeah.
[00:28:38] Speaker A: Yeah.
So, I mean, listen, you've overcome so much. You've got, like, so many pieces to your story, and I. And I. And it's a very interesting one. And resiliency comes to mind. I think of that when I think of your story and, and tenacity and how you've dealt with so much and, and, and been able to cope. Like I said at the top, that you, you know, walk through fire and you keep going.
We're talking like, addiction, domestic violence, and, and raising 3k while you were in nursing school. So when you reflect on that journey yourself, what kept moving you forward?
Like, what kept you moving forward?
[00:29:31] Speaker B: That's a hard. That's. I mean, I can always say my kids, right. Like that. That I had to do for them. So that sometimes if it's doing something for somebody else to keep you moving for, that's still something. Right?
But I, I honestly, I can't tell you one specific. It just is. Just keep going. Just keep going. Just keep going.
When. When I, I was talking to my best friend about this on a low moment, when I said, you know, all of these things that have happened in my life are failures, I was being hard on myself, right? Like, I'm the oldest of eight kids, and I'm definitely not where I should be. I am, I'm a failure in that regard. I'm. I, you know, my divorce is a failure. My, My parenting and where my kids are at in life and their success is not great. That's a failure. That's what, you know. And he said, he was like, you know, if you took all of those failures and then looked at how far you've come, you would count them as success. I would count them as success. And he's right. It's the frame of mind that everything that became a success keeps pushing forward. And I knew when I got divorced, we had been living in poverty, domestic violence and poverty. It kind of happens. And he left me with. I had to go on welfare. And they're very adamant about not being on the system if we can get you employed.
And I kept resisting because I was on paper, I was qualified for a job in regular sales, in food service, and I had a high school diploma on paper.
And I, I just kept saying, I'm smarter than that. I'm smarter than that. I Can't do that. It's not sustainable as a single parent in this day and age. Their income is not.
And I just kept.
I'm so much smarter than that. And then the opportunity to go to nursing school came in and I don't know how to explain it, but there was no option to fail.
I, I started and I knew that I would finish. I knew that I, I going to be a nurse and that because the other side and you don't go through something that I go through and to suit me, I needed to find a job where I could be compassionate and caring and have meaning. I needed to have a job that would give me meeting.
[00:32:19] Speaker A: Yeah. So right now, currently you are.
You're on leave from a certain position. Can you elaborate on that?
[00:32:32] Speaker B: I'm on EI right now. I'm. I'm unemployed trying to sort out.
Yeah, because I, I had that. I had a seizure and a very, very serious car accident and just before Christmas.
So I had to take some time off because of how serious the accident was and to recover.
[00:32:54] Speaker A: Right.
[00:32:55] Speaker B: And then I had another. Then I had another seizure in March and then I had a seizure in May. So at this point I can't keep a job full time.
So we're in the middle of how is this going to look, how we still don't have answers either about my future.
[00:33:17] Speaker A: One day at a time, they say. Right.
One day at a time.
It's. It's not easy.
You've.
I mean, you've worked in these incredibly intense spaces as well over the last while. The hospitals, the.
You also worked at a concurrent mental health and addictions program as well. Right. For men's mental health. You were saying to me online.
[00:33:47] Speaker B: Yeah, that was one of my favorite jobs.
[00:33:51] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:33:51] Speaker B: But that was, that was the job I'm. I left due to the car accident and having all the.
Yeah. The subsequent seizures. That.
But that was a few.
[00:34:04] Speaker A: How did those specific experiences like shape how you see healing both for others and yourself.
[00:34:18] Speaker B: In the hospital? It was that the smallest kindness can create a big impact and make somebody stay better.
And then to think about what in their position and go a little bit extra. Right. You're in the hospital. You didn't want to ask for.
Here's a little bit of an extra kindness and how hard it is for people to be sick and in the hospital and then navigating their family and the extension of care that comes from. From not just the person that's in front of you in the bed. Right. And that definitely gave me more compassion, especially for the elderly, who in general in this society have a really hard time right now.
[00:35:13] Speaker A: Absolutely. Yeah.
[00:35:15] Speaker B: There's not enough care for.
So it was definitely a little bit of a shock. To be right in and see what that looks like.
[00:35:29] Speaker A: Really opens your eyes to.
I know, things we sometimes don't wish to see. But at the same time, you're facing your fears in a good way.
So good on you for working in that position.
Your definition of strength, I would imagine, has changed over the years, especially now facing epilepsy and, and being unable to work.
What are your. What, what. What would you. Could you elaborate on that definition of strength? Yeah, your, Your strength over the years, it's probably changed.
[00:36:11] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:36:12] Speaker A: What. And like, how has it changed?
[00:36:18] Speaker B: For a long time, my strength was survival mode. That was just.
Yep. Just when. And, And a lot of factors, but mostly providing to my family. But when's. Where's the next meal gonna come from? How am I gonna pay for the next bill? How. How. What do the kids need. Need to get to their sports? Or how can I find resources for what we need? Or.
And then what are they going to make me do? How do I get to work? What am I gonna. Like and, and navigating a very, A very messy final divorce, custody, and trying to.
[00:36:58] Speaker A: On top of everything. That too. Right.
[00:37:03] Speaker B: That whole, that whole thing could be a whole episode in itself how I got failed twice by the cost, the court system, blah, blah, blah, blah. I asked for a restraining order, and had they granted it to me, he wouldn't have come the second time and dragged me down the hall in front of my kids. So they gave me a restraining order that time, but not the first time when I said, you know, this is a problem.
So they don't. That's. That's a whole other. Listen to women.
[00:37:29] Speaker A: It's.
Wow, you've. I, you know, again, your story is interesting and one. Like, I, I just can't believe you've gone through that much when it comes.
You know, I'm very interested in all of it. One, One that specifically stands out to me because I go through similar issues is the fact that there could be some invisible illnesses when it comes to what you're going through that it's not necessarily seen.
So, like, what do you wish more people understood about invisible illnesses like epilepsy?
[00:38:11] Speaker B: Well, in general, like, be kind to people because you don't know what they're going through, just as a general human, you know, human experience.
But you'll.
There's so many battles that you don't know People are fighting and, and most of the time when people are in public, that's when they have their best, their best face on. So.
Yeah, and nothing's wrong because, you know, but I think I pay more attention because it's my job and in healthcare as a nurse, I'm supposed to be, not that I do, I'm a good nurse, so I notice a lot of things, a lot of little things and I pay attention. And I think that's where we're very disconnected in community. So you're not really looking at that person. So you can't really look if maybe they shuffled once or maybe they, you know, did something funny that you're, it's not, you know, normal people wouldn't do that. And those are the things where if you notice and that person might need help. But I, I, it's funny because I didn't, I didn't know a lot of people don't think like that.
Yeah, I know it's a very much a nurse trait to be concerned of all the people all the time in public.
[00:39:36] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:39:37] Speaker B: But walking around with an invisible.
Just because I look okay or right doesn't mean you don't know that every day, every day I have to tell myself I'll be okay.
[00:39:48] Speaker A: Yeah.
Are there any, Sorry, what was that last thing you said?
[00:39:54] Speaker B: Wear a, wear a bike helmet all the time.
[00:39:57] Speaker A: Wear a bike helmet. Yeah. Yeah. That's some good advice for sure.
What about routines? Like routines or practices, let's say, or support systems that you may have found helpful during this time? Are there any?
[00:40:15] Speaker B: Oh yeah.
I have two dogs.
So if I didn't have to take them out in the morning, I wouldn't get out of bed and be very much more depressed about the situation than I, than I am.
So I am very grateful that I am having, I have to get up and I have to move in the morning and those, those and their routine is very rigid because it makes our lives easier when the dogs have their set.
So those things as a very base.
Making sure even the animals in my house get, get what they need and you know, trickle up and I tend to be last. But that's what happens when you're a mom.
[00:40:59] Speaker A: But oh yeah, I know it's, it's so tough to try and find that balance and, and take care of yourself too. I know. And I really hope, you know, I always encourage moms to do this the same because I know they go through a lot and so I hope you get that self care you need and never feel the guilt for Taking care of yourself whenever you can because you deserve that.
[00:41:22] Speaker B: It's funny, my kids are in their 20s now and you always refer to them as your kids. And this is the longest that I have been left alone.
Like I don't have to have meals ready and people are not around and doing whatever and nobody. And it's, it's been a wonderful step back to say I, if I do all, if I. I don't know who's doing what and that's not going to be my responsibility anymore. So I'm going to do what I need and I want. And so in this time off that has been to figure out there's been a lot of healing for myself and my nervous system after all of this has finally.
[00:42:08] Speaker A: You would say your, your fur babies are really good for your nervous system.
[00:42:13] Speaker B: Oh yeah. And. And since the last seizure in May, I, I started what. What am I not doing that maybe can affect.
So I started doing yoga and I work out every morning for an hour now, which I used to do a long time ago, but then school and work and all of that stuff just took over. But coming back consciously to.
And when you do yoga, you're sort of self meditative because you're in your, you know, you're paying attention to your body. And so that part's been really good. I am hoping to get in touch enough that I might be able to recognize the signs and protect myself a little more if I have a seizure again.
[00:42:52] Speaker A: So looking ahead, what's something you're hopeful about? Like whether it's personally, professionally or creativity, creatively. Sorry.
[00:43:09] Speaker B: Okay.
Well, there's a lot in.
I'm on a really good healing path with my big family and I'd like to see that keep going.
In 2021, when I just started nursing, my dad had a double lung transplant. So in the middle of COVID he had a double lung transplant. So that personal factor on top of trying to learn how to work and nobody could go see him because the hospital was locked down. It, it was just, all of it. So just to continue to strengthen my relationship with my family and my kids, it's been a really interesting challenge to undo the effects of the domestic violence that's left over because I have boys and their dad was a key influence in their life. So full circle that he's in their life as an adult and their relationships are, are okay. I would say.
[00:44:15] Speaker A: Still a challenge.
[00:44:17] Speaker B: Yeah, I think it will always be.
But realizing, learning about myself, that I had an endless amount of grace that could be extended to him as well. And that lessened the anger that I didn't want to hold on to anymore. Like, and he's their dog. And that's. People are like, you should be angry at him forever.
I. I don't. I know that sucked. That sucked. I lived it. But I'm where I am now.
I'm. I am who I am now.
And I would.
I would really like to write a book about this, about my life, about the experience and the journeys.
I would like to.
And maybe go back to school.
[00:45:14] Speaker A: No better time to start than now. Like, you can just whenever, you know, because all we have is now. So, you know, so, yeah, we don't have yesterday, we don't have tomorrow. All we have is now. My uncle reminds me of that often. So that's why they call it, you know, the.
We don't have. We don't have yesterday, we don't have tomorrow, we just have now. That's why they call it the present, because you're getting.
There you go. I'm not sure if you heard that one before. Yeah.
So, yeah. Yeah, the present moment is quite the present indeed for, you know, Christmas, Hanukkah, whatever you celebrate. But for someone listening, let's say, Danielle Louise, for someone listening who feels like life is piling up against them, what would you say to them right now?
[00:46:11] Speaker B: That you don't know how much Brit you have.
And that the endless ability for your strength and tenacity is endless if you let it be one day at a time. And before you know it, you look back and you say, holy shit, I did all that and I'm still here. And that's.
That's.
That's the point, I guess, or the.
It's hard to say. That's the goal. That's. Especially when you're wading through it. But.
And it's hard to see yourself. But I would say that every. Every day is a gift because you will always contribute something to this world. And even if it's surviving this day and it took all your grit, then you have tomorrow, and there is pockets of joy.
You just gotta find how they're in your life.
[00:47:19] Speaker A: Yep. Very good. Very well said.
Want to thank you, Danielle Louise, for.
For being here today, for your honesty, for your heart and your courage in. In sharing such a raw and real journey with us on Awareness Episode 20. Your story is a reminder that healing is not linear. And strength often looks like simply continuing, even when the path disappears beneath your feet. So to anyone listening watching this podcast, if you found something in this episode that resonated with you, please share it, leave a review or or send it to someone who might need to hear it. I'm sure they would appreciate it. So don't forget to like and subscribe if you can to this podcast. That would certainly mean the world. Want to get these good messages out to as many people as possible.
Once again, thank you so much Danielle, and to the great producer Mike for making things happen behind the scenes. Appreciate him very much. My name is Rob Daniels. Until next time. We'll see you in the next episode.
