Corinne Mackenzie

[00:00:00] Speaker A: Foreign. [00:00:19] Speaker B: Hi there. Before we get started, a quick word from our sponsor, Vox Mental Health. Vox means voice and we believe something shifts when you're safe enough to find yours. Based in Barrie and serving all of Ontario, Vox Mental Health offers trauma informed psychotherapy for individuals, couples and families. Whether you're unpacking old narratives, navigating relationships, or working toward clarity and change, we're here to support your growth, your agency and your voice. Learn more @vox mental health.com officially welcoming you to awareness, fostering a more compassionate, empathetic and accepting society. Yours truly, Rob Daniels here for awareness. Episode number 21 and joining me on the show, I'd like to officially introduce you to a paramedic that served for 20 years in Simcoe County. And she has definitely gone through a lot through her time, and she's here to share her story. I'd like to welcome Karine. Karine, thanks so much for being here. [00:01:30] Speaker A: Hi. Thanks. Thanks for having me. [00:01:33] Speaker B: Okay. Is it okay if we share your last name on the show too? [00:01:36] Speaker A: Absolutely, that's fine. Yeah. [00:01:38] Speaker B: Okay, go for it. Korean. [00:01:39] Speaker A: It's Karin McKenzie. [00:01:41] Speaker B: All right. Corinne McKenzie is, is on the show with us and she served 20 years, which is incredible as a paramedic. And you know, I must, I just envision you have seen so much over your 20 year storied career in Simcoe. And I mean, there's probably a lot of rewarding parts to it and there are probably a lot of traumatic parts to it as well, but all for serving the highest purpose possible. These are the consequences of it. So why don't you introduce us to a little bit of your journey and what made you no longer Continue after the 20 year mark? Was it your choice or did you just simply move on from the job? I'll let you take that next step and let us know. [00:02:36] Speaker A: Okay. Well, so yeah, I was, I was a young 20 something year old when I first started and got into the career. Was super excited. Always knew I wanted to do something in emergency medicine or helping the public in some fashion. Growing up in Simcoe County, I was lucky enough to live right next to the ski hills. So I was ski patrolling and doing lots of first aid stuff. So I jumped right into the paramedic program way back in the day at Centennial College down in Scarborough. I attended my primary care paramedic program there and I was the first one in the two year program. Loved it, loved everything about it. And I was really lucky enough through some connections to find a group of preceptors that had been paramedics in Simcoe County. So I was really lucky to work there as a student and then secure a job afterwards, which was pretty incredible at that time. Jobs were really hard to come by, so I was very lucky to start there. And in York region, I worked there for a little bit as well, but really like landed in Simcoe where I grew up, married my then husband, had our family. He was in emergency services as well. So we were fully, fully sort of immersed in that lifestyle. Right. Yeah, it was a fantastic time. I learned so, so much. It was. It was an absolute journey, like he had said of some super rewarding moments. Also some very difficult moments. I was lucky enough to have four beautiful children while I was still working. So they kind of grew up in the. In the paramedic stations and their father's a firefighter. So in the fire hall with us while they were kind of going through their journey, they saw everything right along with us, which I guess is a good thing and a bad thing. [00:04:39] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah. There's positive and negative to both. Yeah, for sure. [00:04:42] Speaker A: Yeah, absolutely. I did, I did my primary care course to get hired. I did my advanced care paramedic course after that. I was the first female supervisor, like acting platoon supervisor. I did all kinds of things. I had all kinds of opportunities afforded to me. And I now realize after, you know, my long journey through it, that I was the type of person that just kept taking on more and more challenges and opportunities and things while working crazy long hours, raising a family. And I ended up, I think, just doing all of that to kind of like, kind of push everything down that I was seeing and not really deal with it. Right. So, yeah, it was, it was an interesting journey because I didn't, I wore. I wore a real mask and didn't let anybody know what was going on. I struggled inside, I pretty sure now with some postpartum depression after my kids and just constantly trying to like, better myself through education and more and more courses and do more and more shifts and take over time and work, work all of the festivals and all of the things that go along with the job, but not realizing or admitting to myself that doing that probably isn't the smartest idea. I overfilled my cup, as they say, never take home for any self care. So unfortunately, six years ago, so it was actually July 14, 2019. I was working in Collingwood at the time, which is the town that I grew up in, and sitting in the station and I was like, had this really awful feeling, just a horrible feeling of dread. Couldn't really function I wasn't sleeping well. I was unfortunately drinking and using pills to sleep for quite a while by that point. And I sat in the station and I was in the change room, and the tones were going off for a call, and this horrible feeling came over me and I just couldn't function. I couldn't get up. I couldn't leave the room. And it was that point that I realized that I can't do this. There's something wrong. Like, I don't know what was going on with me, but. So that was kind of like my. That was my last shift, actually. [00:07:05] Speaker B: Your breaking point? [00:07:06] Speaker A: That was my breaking point. That was. That was it. I ended up calling a friend of mine who actually was a paramedic and had gone off with post traumatic stress. And I was like, what is going on with me? And she walked me through that horrible anxiety attack, was crippling. I couldn't function. I was having all of the, you know, all the systemic stuff coming out, the sweating, the hyperventilating, I was crying, like, all of the signs. I ended up having to go home and never returned. Unfortunately. I tried. Tried three times to get back, but it was. It was pretty wild. [00:07:45] Speaker B: Too triggering. It was too triggering. [00:07:48] Speaker A: Yeah. Like, I think it was just. I had kind of. I mean, I now understand through much therapy, that I was diagnosed with what was called cumulative post Traumatic stress disorder, so now known as a post traumatic stress injury. So they've just kind of changed the lingo a little bit. But it was all of the calls and all of the things that I had done over the 20 years as a paramedic just finally caught up with me. And I. I'm an empathetic, caring person, and I gave and gave and gave into all the things, not setting any boundaries for myself and looking after myself, because also, like, when. When I was raised and the back in the day when I first started too, like, the philosophy was, you know, pull up your big girl pants and. And just go like, you're fine. You can. You can do it. You got into this. It's no problem. This is what you're here for. You don't have to, like, just go have a drink, go take a day off and then come back to work. You'll be fine. [00:08:49] Speaker B: School mentality. [00:08:51] Speaker A: Totally, totally. Now we know much different. So it was. It was a pretty dark time after that. I. I went off, had to navigate the whole WSIB territory, which was not easy. Luckily, my friend who I had spoken to, she actually was one of the. The people who got legislation put in place for us as first responders so that we have the ability to go off work and, and be protected and paid per se. So Natalie had kind of set that groundwork in place already, but I was lucky enough to get through all of that and find a psychologist in Barry who dealt specifically with first responders and still speak to her now. Right. Like, it's once a week for the last six years. She is my saving grace. And yeah, it's been quite a journey. Three suicide attempts, addiction. I'm sober for five years now, which is great. My lifestyle has changed completely, but unfortunately, I had to leave my career that I worked so hard to, to do in the dust. So it. [00:10:13] Speaker B: So now you're like, you're off work now, though, on wsib and, like, do you plan to. I mean, we can get into what you look forward to in the future in terms of other types of works you might be interested in, but right now it's WSIB that's helping you out to sort of stay afloat type of thing, Correct? [00:10:35] Speaker A: Yeah. So as a. I mean, my, my ex husband and I, like, we separated, unfortunately, we went through a divorce on top of all that. I think that's typical in that, in that era. But all is good. We, we talk all the time. And I've remarried since and, and as a single mom, though, with four kids, like, yeah, WSIB was what I was existing on. So luckily that's there and that's in place. And with the psychology and everything, I've now made it through to the retraining phase of things. So. So I'm in school actually, so I'm kind of pivoting a little bit. I was in a program, an advanced graphic design program for a year and a half and then realized that kind of wasn't working where I needed to be. [00:11:26] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:11:26] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:11:27] Speaker B: But in terms, yeah, in terms of your career, though, in, in paramedics, I mean, that's like, there's probably so much that you've seen, so much you could speak upon in regards to 20 years of, of service. And, you know, the last thing I want to do is, is trigger some of those thoughts or. But maybe it's just therapeutic to, to just speak about it. You know, if I ever go too far with a question, you just let me know. But I'm just trying to bring into awareness what could have been even meaningful for, for people to want to sign up for the career you did have, and they think they could give it a try. I mean, hey, listen, 20 years of service is Better than no service. And maybe some people want to just give it a try and see how long it lasts for them, too. So maybe there's. If we can bring it into a positive perspective in terms of this career that you faced and, you know, and stride so high. Like, I mean, 20 years is incredible. Like, so is there a moment for you in all of that that. That stands out as especially meaningful? There's got to be a positive where you, you saved a life. Was there something that happened that you were a part of that were like, this was a good day today. We, we helped someone as much as we could and, and they're alive because of us. Was there a moment like that? [00:12:50] Speaker A: Oh, my gosh. Yeah, There. There was lots. I obviously, like, you know, with privacy laws and things, I can't, like, give specifics, but I was, I mean, there. It's funny because I think everybody expects, like, you know, you get asked these questions like, oh, you're a paramedic or you're a firefighter or nurse or doctor, police officer. What's the worst thing you've ever seen? Or what's the coolest thing you've ever. And people don't realize when they ask it, right? Yeah, but sometimes it's not like the big things that you see. Sometimes it's just that, like that little, you know, that little help that you give someone, that, that totally routine call that you do every day, but you make that tiny little difference in someone's life because in their life, it's like the worst day possible. Right? You're there to make the difference. So I mean, there were a lot of really cool things that I got to do. I do recall, like, I'm. I'm able to speak about it because, like, we gave an award to the, the young kiddo too. And so it was very public knowledge. But I was part of a. A team where a 3 year old actually saved his mom's life by calling 91 1, which was incredible. And it was. It was a horribly traumatic call. But this little guy was so awesome. He. He ran back to the house and got the phone and called 911 and. And all of the stars aligned that day. You know, like the different services and the helicopter and all of the things like Orange was there and we saved this woman's life. And we were able to through Simcoe County. They'll. I'm pretty sure they still do it, but they have a recognition day where they recognize people that have done outstanding things. And so we were able, through the county to give him an award, which was very cool. And that was one of the moments that, like, really stands out in my career, which was like, yeah, I really made a difference today. And we all worked as a team, you know, cohesively together and made a huge difference, which was awesome. But it's also those times that, you know, you. You go and, you know, for a shortness of breath call or a chest pain call or Mr. Mrs. Smith has fallen, and. And you go to help them up and it's that, like, hold their hand and talk them through it and let them know that everything's going to be okay and you're there to help. And those are the ones that, like, you know, they really stick with you. Right? [00:15:16] Speaker B: Yeah. What do you think are some of the, like, the misconceptions that. That the. The public has about paramedics that you might be able to speak on? [00:15:26] Speaker A: I think, I think we're getting better at it. But honestly, like, the typical ambulance driver that we're always just referred to as, because. Yeah, no, even 30 years ago, they were ambulance drivers. Right. You worked at the funeral home and, and you drove the ambulance and you pick someone up and you took them to the hospital. Now there's, you know, we were able to like, give so many medications and do so many different modalities and techniques, and it's like you're like an ER on wheels, really. I mean, you're out there doing all kinds of things. And the career as a whole has really, you know, expanded into, like, community paramedicine and, and various different. Like, they're getting better with the mental health thing, but, like, kind of reeling all of that into what the paramedic is able to do every day, which is fantastic. So I would. I would hope that, like, the misconception of just being an ambulance driver is something of the past, and people can realize that paramedics do a ton of work. [00:16:34] Speaker B: Yeah, absolutely. I mean, you. And you also talked about, I mean, the human side of the job is that you're a human behind the mask, you know, trying to help. And overall, all the times that. All the years that you served and you touched on the difficult times that you went through. Were there any difficult times before that breakdown day, like in your 20 years that kept you motivated through those difficult times, those difficult calls that you had to experience? [00:17:05] Speaker A: Well, it was certainly, I mean, in a weird sort of type A personality way. I think we're kind of all similar where we do get into this. Yes, because we want to help, but also because we really enjoy the adrenaline rush, you know, driving fast or like being the first one on the scene, like all those things. But that all comes at a cost, right? Yeah. And not perhaps you're, you know, you're young and you're green and you're fresh and you want to get out there and, and do all these fun things, but not knowing enough about, you know, protecting your head and your, your self care space. Right. And yeah, I mean, I think that was something that I definitely didn't know enough of when I started. I, I'm like an all in kind of person, so I jumped in with both feet and when. Worked as many shifts as I could and did as much as I could and, and I, I literally, like, I wear my heart on my sleeve and I put 100% of myself into every call and I think unfortunately, it was detrimental. Right? [00:18:07] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, listen, it's, it's, it's hard not to be the human being that you were created to be. Like, you can't be someone else if I'm similar that way. You wear your heart on your sleeve and you just got to be as real as you can. And you, you did that. And like, listen, 20 years, some people can't even last 20 months. So in that profession. So it's, it's an incredible testament to you. And you should be very proud of what you've accomplished in this. And I mean, really, if it was up for me, up to me, I wouldn't, I would say beyond wsib, it should be like, you, you should be, you should have a pension for life because of all the years you, you served. That's, that's my opinion. But I mean, when it, when it also comes to, like, when you were working and, and working through that tenure of, of 20 years, and even for me in, in radio, in podcasting, I have mentors, colleagues who help and still continue to help shape who I am, and I respect their opinions and such. Did you have like, a certain mentor, a colleague that sticks out in the, in those 20 years that shaped how you approached the job? [00:19:31] Speaker A: Yeah, absolutely. You know, I'm, I'm really lucky enough to have met some incredible people over my time as a paramedic, definitely paramedics as a whole, but also, I think because we connect with so many different, you know, doctors, nurses, mental health people, community services. Like, there's just so many people that I was able to meet over that time, and I, I try to take a little bit of, like, inspiration from each person that I meet. Right. But my, my initial we call them preceptors. So they were. My teachers on the road, had been. Well, one is retired since retired, one is still working. But they were incredible people. They also are from Simcoe county, grew up in the area. Like, they are just. I think they really molded me to be like, yes, I'm a very caring, open person. But they were like, take that and run with that. This is who you are and this is how we deliver fantastic patient care. Like, yes, you can do all these things and it's this really scary moment, but it's the empathy that goes along with it and like taking the time to connect with your patient and assure them that everything's going to be fine and you're going to do everything that you can and being that wonderful, caring person, but still have like, you know, a good sense of humility and humor. Humor goes. We all have a bit of dark humor in this career, but like, goes a long way with it. Right, right. And involving yourself in all of the, the extra things that you can, good or bad, because you gotta weigh those boundaries. But like being involved in public relations, being involved in education and going into the schools, just being wonderful with all the different services that you meet. [00:21:22] Speaker B: Right, yeah. Are you allowed to give a shout out to those, to, to those that inspired you, that you're, you're, you're mentors or. No. Or is it not? [00:21:32] Speaker A: No, I mean, I think it would be okay. [00:21:35] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:21:36] Speaker A: Primary care paramedic, Gord Laidlaw, who primarily works out of the Midland area. And Brent McMillan, who worked at a. Barry, he's retired. Fantastic people. And I had Dwayne Morrison as my preceptor for advanced care. And Dwayne is, I believe now supervisor in Simcoe, but just incredible, incredible paramedics and people all around. So the county is very lucky to have them. [00:22:03] Speaker B: Yeah, that sounds good. Well, and that's fantastic to hear. It's. It's always like more comfortable when you have mentors that are out there to try and help you be better. I mean, it's sometimes difficult to take the constructive criticism, but you know that it's always just, you know, to, to make you better at what you do. [00:22:23] Speaker A: So that's what we did. Right. Like, I think as on the daily, you work with a different person. Like you have it, you know, if you're lucky enough to have a full time partner, that's great. But we always have different people in the seat beside us for 12 hours. And I think you take a little bit from each other every day. And I, I was A teacher for many years as well. And I had students and I hope that I, you know, empowered them to sort of have the same philosophy. [00:22:47] Speaker B: So is it, is it very different, let's say, to paramedic on television? I think of specifically like Chicago Fire, that television show, the racing out to the scene and they're doing what they're doing. Like when you watch those shows, do you see your. Does it bring back triggering memories or is this something like totally different than from how you approached these situation emergency situations that would arise? [00:23:17] Speaker A: Well, obviously, I mean, I'm sure it's. It's the same in any career when they make a Hollywood TV show. I mean, they've gotta like make it fancy and flashy. Right. And have a good storyline. Yes, there are some things that are similar, but I, I honestly, like, I couldn't watch a lot of stuff for a lot of times after I went off. I really isolated myself away from anything. Like, I just couldn't understand. Yeah. Like, I couldn't, I couldn't watch stuff on television. I couldn't read things like the paper, social media, news, any of those things. Loud noises, siren even as much as driving around, you know, town in an ambulance or a fire truck or a police car would go by and I couldn't function. But now it's getting better. But I, I have a bit of a giggle too when I watch it because, like, we all know that, like we were just at a movie the other day. Oh, I think it was the new Mission Impossible movie or something. [00:24:19] Speaker B: And I was like triggering sounds there. Yeah, right. [00:24:21] Speaker A: And I was watching them do something, some like, medical procedure, and I'm like, okay, this is totally not how it would be done, so. [00:24:31] Speaker B: Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah. No. Okay, so that, that answers the question. [00:24:35] Speaker A: Not the right intercostal space or something. Something like that anyways. [00:24:39] Speaker B: Right. Yeah. No, no, yeah, makes sense. No. [00:24:41] Speaker A: Thanks for that answer on tv. So. [00:24:45] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, absolutely. [00:24:47] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:24:48] Speaker B: So. So what advice, Karine, would you share with. With young people today that are considering a career in paramedics? [00:25:05] Speaker A: So this is something. It's actually kind of. I'm glad that you brought it up because it's kind of like close to my heart. Right. I. I've made this journey and I'm still making this journey. I'm. I'm by no means finished, this journey. Right. I don't think that having PTSD is something that it doesn't ever go away. It's just kind of like this. [00:25:22] Speaker B: It's trying to keep it down. [00:25:24] Speaker A: Level kind of lurks in in, in the weeds, right? And so it's always there. But I always had said when, see what helped me a lot right, when I, when I first went off was I connected with, with some people who were on the social media space who helped first responders. And I adopted the philosophy that I was always going to heal out loud. So I don't believe that we should have the stigma that we have going forward with our mental health. And I, I always want to be completely transparent, completely raw, genuine, real, because that's who I am. I'm a horrible liar. I can never be a poker player. So, you know, if I'm having a really crappy day and I'm symptomatic and I happen to post something on my social media or people see me in public, that's who I am and that's why I'm that way. And we're going to talk about it and we're going to work through it. So something that like, going forward in the future, I think would be really beneficial to be adopted into, even dial it right back to like the college system, like where you get into school initially, like even before you get hired by services, like if you bring it into the college system. I think it's really important to have someone have a piece of the curriculum that talks about, you know, you check up from the neck up, like, look after your head, right? I mean, this is what you're going to experience and it's completely normal, but this is how you deal with it and this is how you don't overfill your cup and set healthy boundaries. To be able to be that person who can help in the career and have a lengthy career. Because the landscape of first response and emergency services has changed. I mean, even in the last 20 years has completely changed, right? We, we see it's a tough society out there right now with mental health and drugs and addiction and violence and all of the things that we see. So those that are going into the job really need to know what they're getting into right up front. [00:27:29] Speaker B: Yeah, absolutely. That's some good advice there. So if you could, let's say rewind time here, which a lot of us would like to do at some point, or we've always, you know, entertain the idea of, of going back in time. What, what kind of advice do you think you would give yourself as a, as a rookie paramedic? Like, what would you say to yourself? [00:27:56] Speaker A: I think if I was able to be that little person on my shoulder and, and talk in my ear, I would be like, you don't have to do it all. [00:28:07] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:28:07] Speaker A: You don't have to, you know, work so many hours until you kill yourself and achieve every single accolade and goal. Just like, be you and be the awesome person that you are and give, but also look after yourself. I think, I think it's great to be young and, and enthusiastic, but also, let's be intelligent about how, how we deliver that. Right. You have to have like a little bit of saving space for ourselves and not get caught in the weeds. [00:28:42] Speaker B: Exactly. In terms of the job itself, like, what do you miss most about it? What do you not miss most about it? [00:28:53] Speaker A: That's a really loaded question. I think about this often, actually, because I'm in a much healthier headspace now. I truly miss the camaraderie. It's. It was a family, right? I mean, I, I probably saw my co workers more than I saw my, my husband and my family. Right. I mean, you're working at least 12 hours a day, usually more, because you usually ended up on overtime with these people. And you share everything. The highs, the lows, the traumas, the laughs, the funny jokes, the crazy, weird things that you would see. And then you, when you're young, you go out and you party with them after and you hang out and your families get together as you have kids and you watch everybody grow up together. And I truly miss that. But it was, you know, those are. It's also hard because I think a lot of those people are still there, still working. And I've kind of. Although I've had to pivot and I got really sick and had to leave, I've really changed the way that I see things. And I kind of now can look at it through a different lens and I, I see where maybe, you know, they don't seem as healthy as they potentially could be. And it's just, you're. You're looking at it from a different vantage point now. Right. So. [00:30:17] Speaker B: Right. [00:30:18] Speaker A: It's tough. I mean, I will always miss being able to help and be that person, to be able to give great patient care and help people. I do miss a little bit, like the fun, crazy adrenaline pumping calls. I mean, that's just who I am. It's in my core, it's ingrained in me. But I don't miss being a zombie, being completely incapacitated, the long hours that, my gosh, I don't know how we did it as a family. Four kids in sports and two parents working shift work. Like, I don't know how we got through those years, but we did. I don't. I don't miss. [00:30:59] Speaker B: Yeah, obviously it's. It's. It was a. It's a really difficult strain on. On any marriage, for sure, so. [00:31:05] Speaker A: But I'm glad that I was able to, like, you know, give to my community and. And make a difference, because I know it would make a difference, so. [00:31:12] Speaker B: Yeah, absolutely. So. And you. And you served your. Your community well, the community of Simcoe. So when you look back, let's say, on your. On your 20 years of service, how do you hope people will remember your service? [00:31:30] Speaker A: Oh, that's a great question. I. I hope that, you know, if people are coming into the service and maybe they're sitting there reminiscing about, like, as we all did about paramedics that have been around the old guys, because I would be listed as, like, the old guy now. I hope they're. They're able to say, hey, you know what? There is this paramedic Corinne, who used to work here, and she was like, you know, really, really down to earth and really caring and really made a difference and really welcomed everybody in. You know, she got to know all of the different employees and something about them and made everyone feel welcome and. And was a real hoot to work with because we had a lot of fun. So I hope that. That, you know, I'm sure there might be some different. Varying opinions. There always is. But. But I hope that. I hope that, like, my name comes up in a positive manner and they can see that maybe on the flip side, I'm here still rooting for them in the background, trying to make a difference. Right? [00:32:34] Speaker B: So, Corinne McKenzie, I thank you so much for your time today and your service to your community, to this great country of ours. And really, you should pat yourself on the back for everything you gave. You gave your entire being to healthcare and to help others and to serve at. At the highest degree possible. And there's so many people out there that would probably be looking up to you if they. They click this podcast, which I sure hope they did, you can get this podcast wherever you get your podcasts. And of course, don't forget to click like, and subscribe on YouTube. That would certainly mean the world. Again, thank you so much for doing this today, Karine. It really means a lot, and I'm sure you've positively influenced others here. [00:33:30] Speaker A: Thank you. Thanks for having me on. [00:33:32] Speaker B: Of course, you're welcome. This has been awareness Episode number 21. Thank you so much for watching, listening wherever you get your podcasts. For producer Mike, I'M Rob Daniels, and we'll see you in the next episode. [00:33:55] Speaker A: Sa.